First thoughts are "no"
But you now ignore that voice,
Telling you to hold on, telling not to let go,
All the while convincing yourself you dont REALLY have a choice

Why set up for disappointment? When it's sure to come
And at the end of the day everything will disappear with the sun.
Yet I can't help but wonder, what would become
If I'd permit myself hold on, not to all but to some.

What a horrible idea! what a sick, masochistic thought.
Nothing could hurt worse, and broken bones hurt a lot!

I tell myself this when the idea takes over my mind.
It tries to sneak in, but always gets caught.
I push the thought back, more and more until it's behind
That failed test from last week, I never got signed.

So far forgotten, that test sits way back in my head
that it hides everything about holding on that's ever been said.

But then I start wondering, and that's where it takes root,
"Why even care at all, I won't let myself remember"
"Sure the memories are happy, maybe even cute,
But hell are they even worth it?" I often dispute.

Everytime my answer is "No"
But for some reason today,
"actually, it is." is all I can say.

Finally It feels right to care, and so I'll let you know,
I've enjoyed every second, though it doesn't always show.