I tried
And tried
to stop tears in their tracks
to barricade my thoughts in a jail cell
and lock them up with no further investigation

I had to be prepared
for any curveball thrown my way
I couldn't second guess or hesitate
or everything would be blown away

I had to brace for the worst
and build a dam
to keep a reservoir of struggle from overflowing
and contain the growing flood within me

I had to bear the beating and battering brought by
Alcoholism
Abandonment
Prison
Loss
All without a tear
Prohibited from showing fear

As catastrophe
After catastrophe occurred
We all played chicken
Who would hang on?
Who could keep their head above the water?