I take a pencil and paper

and go and sit at my desk

I stare at the blank sheet before me

and take a shaky breath



I’ve been dreading this moment for years now

Always putting it off

But it’s time to face my fears, now

This silent suffering must stop



Dear Daddy, Dear Dad, Dear Father

None of it sounds quite right

For what name do you give to the man

Who has done nothing but ruin your life?



I try to write but the words

refuse to appear on the page

Maybe this would be easier

If my hand just wouldn’t shake



I take a breath and start again

the tears welling up in my eyes

The words spill out onto the page

with a speed that leaves me surprised



I tell him about the pain

the pain I’ve felt ever since he left

And as I tell him how he hurt me

I feel a burden being lifted from my chest



I tell him how I miss him

How I hate him for leaving

I tell him that I hate myself

for letting him deceive me



I tell him how I’ve been

and what’s new in my life

I tell him how I managed

without him by my side



Ever since the day

they through him in that cell

It’s been up to me, on my own

to face this world myself



I tell him how I missed him

growing up at home

About envying the other kids

who had a dad to call their own



I tell him how that now

I have started to give in

to that tiny voie in the back of my head

telling me to forgive



Although it may be difficult

I’ll try not to be sad

even if he says he’d rather be

a criminal than my dad



I know that eventually

he’ll hurt me in the end

he’ll choose drugs and crime over

his own daughter, once again



I write one final sentence

as my tears hit the page

four words that bring back memories

of my very own dad and me



Four words that take me back

to much happier days

To when I was happy and naive.

I wrote four words on the page:

I love you, Daddy.