This Moment, Gone | Teen Ink

This Moment, Gone

April 27, 2015
By LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula


The suspense makes the moment tense
At the expense of the extensive
Audience that fense off his fence off away from the world
A dense mass of writers overcompense
To the extent of extincting the last spent
Word of literature that bent the rules with pent
Up rage, rent unpaid and raided with unstayed
Satyrs of saints stained with the blood of the rain
And the pain of dear Cain who only wanted equality in vain,
Becoming the bane of existence, chained to existence
As the first to end an existence, keep your distance
Because the world is not the place for coexistence.

The remnants are what remain, feign
Not fain to fade into the frame, the plain arcane plane
that the world strained to maintain craned
as far from our ordain yet albeit mundane terrain
Is once again the main objective to be obtained
Chase it far away,
Until it comes to stay, then they may
Understand the way they should keep stray strangers at bay

Let it go, as the yellows become white, the blues go black
the reds go grey and the greens retract as the lack
of colors slowly appears, it marks the last pack
of sights you will ever hold dear and the world fades to black

No heartbeat, no breath
No myth, this is death
It’s the width of your life
Now writhe as the scythed
stranger takes his strides
towards your strife and knifes
you in the side, pulling you into judgement.
 



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This article has 6 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 7 2015 at 4:32 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Ouch, that's embarrassing. *too hard to make

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 7 2015 at 2:09 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

You, your writing, and your art are, in and of themselves, heartbreaking- true. As you said somewhere else, though, the darkness is not always bad. You do thrive in it, so embrace it. Why not? I don't know if you have to show more of yourself in terms of depth, because I do agree that you're very vulnerable in your work. However, there are more sides to you. Are they death? .... Umm, maybe? :P Either way, as a reader, I'd love to read more scope for sure. From your comment, maybe you were trying to hard to make this new, as in deep, instead of new as in different? Because "Into the Darkness" is *so* different, and that totally works! I don't know, just my rambling thoughts. :)

on May. 7 2015 at 10:16 am
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula

Also, I'm trying to broaden my subject. At some point I feel like I'm going to run out of things to say about heartbreak (which hasn't happened yet) and I feel that I should try to find another subject which I can delve into (such as death, whether it be the death of myself or an art style or any other kind of death) however, I feel as though I thrive in heartbreak, which is in and of itself heartbreaking. O~O

on May. 7 2015 at 9:40 am
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula

I understand what you mean about the beginning, I was going for chaos that unites to form an image kinda thing. :P The reason my poetry tends to be about the same thing but feel different is because I try to incorporate new and different things in each one. I try to put more of myself into each one (which is pretty hard considering that I don't have a problem with revealing my feelings) It's gotten to the point where I'm trying to make my emotions fill my readers so that they can feel my sorrow and know that there's always a worse off.

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 7 2015 at 2:58 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

To be honest, I don't get the first part. It feels like a lot of images disjointedly stuck together... for me. They're cool and all, but do they all work together to create one work of art? Usually, I love your wordplay, but in this case, I lost the meaning. Obviously, you had an intention, so that's take it or leave it critique. That said, I love the ending, and choosing to end the entire poem with "judgement" is compelling and effectively creates this feeling of finality and blind terror that you build up to throughout the last few stanzas.

on May. 4 2015 at 10:07 am
LazyGenius SILVER, Windham, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt of it"

I find the style this was written in to be phenomenal!