He Smiles | Teen Ink

He Smiles

May 19, 2015
By LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula


Run faster, run faster, don’t lose your breath
You must save him, save him from the brink of death
Or whatever’s left, go now, find him in the room
You got there before his doom,
Boom!
Something’s off, something’s not right
But he smiles at you, and in this light
You see him eye a new sight
A world beyond what you can imagine
Peace throughout with no pain, no famine
The thought is damning,
Sit him against the wall as he smiles
He’s been through a lot, let him rest for a while
Take his gun and toss it out,
It’s just another thing he can do without

In the dark room, days pass by
He lies in the corner, your feelings give rise
As you realize that you save his life
You stopped him from this unthinkable act
But still he’s yet to react,
He hasn't spoken, he hasn’t eaten,
He’s in shock, after all it’s death he has beaten
He is alive and that’s all that matters
You may leave when the silence shatters
Make your coat his blanket, keep him warm
He looks so peaceful in this form,
He’s gotten through this painful trial
So he lays there, and he smiles

He was painting before he tried
To kill himself, but since he didn’t die
Take the paint and hold it high
Smear it on the wall as he did
Like when you did finger paintings as a kid
Get rid of the smudges, paint in his style
Red splashes on walls, that’s right, he smiles

No windows, no lights, just the glow of a small fire
But you’re not cold, it’s fine, the situation isn't dire
You’re not tired, and yet…

He awakes!

Eyes open as you hug him tight
He’s awake and you can leave now, right?
He’s happy, he smiles, he’s here, he’s alright
He lays there happy, he looks to the paint
The smile on his face is never feignt
He likes it, the way red drips down in streams
He’s ecstatic, so happy, you did it, it would seem
His throat is hurting, so still he doesn’t speak
Not hungry, even if it’s been a week
There’s a certain paleness on his cheek
And something in the room begins to reek
But he smiles, eyes open, he smiles.


The author's comments:

Sooooo.... This happened... I got bored.


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This article has 4 comments.


on May. 28 2015 at 10:51 am
pikachulover SILVER, Kanpur, Other
6 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Remember, today is the tomorrow of yesterday you worried about.

I don't know what to say, it's the situation, I hate the most. But I liked the way you ended the poem and always the *rhythms*. Keep it up!

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 21 2015 at 1:14 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

The thing is that I got that beautifully, and there's definitely real emotion in the piece, and there are even hints of your soulful writing scattered throughout. "Take his gun and toss it out,/It’s just another thing he can do without"- that's approaching your usual momentum, but then it drops off again. It's just not all the way through. It doesn't maintain the gripping, bone-chilling, heart-rending strength of the other poems I mentioned. Like, I'm breathing normally as I read, and that's not usual for me and your poetry. ;) That said, I love that you're writing other things, so don't give up on it! You have more in you; it's just been very shoved away for a very long time. This is the slow and painful process of pulling it back to the surface again, and even when I write these comments, I still feel very privileged to be watching. :)

on May. 21 2015 at 9:10 am
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula

I was aiming for a sense of pure denial. As if you were dropped into a situation where you witnessed your friend commit suicide, but you refused to believe it. He smiled, he was still in that room... Still, it seems as though my best subject is that which hurts the most. :(

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2015 at 11:07 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Uggh, it's so frustrating for me to write this because I can tangibly feel the question of like, "So I can write something else well too, right?" And then I have to write this comment, and sometime late at night when you hate your life you get to think of the fact that your most beautiful poetry only comes out through heartbreak. Then again, not that this is a step in the more positive direction.... :P So this is what happens when you get bored? Yikes! ;) In all seriousness though, this is like "Special Pt. 2"; it's missing your raw honesty and sincerity. To be honest, it's also a little disturbing for me, but even beyond that, it doesn't leave me with the same chills that "My Own Words" and "Let Me Walk Away" did.