Reborn | Teen Ink

Reborn

May 27, 2015
By LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula


The world seems to slow as I fall in this hole
Of desperate disrepair and despair, it taken it's toll
Released it's hold from my heart and it beats
Relieved as I let go, spotting where dark and light meets
It's so sweet, swim away from the void, look to the sky
See the stars and they twinkle bright, to the light nigh
Let me die, peacefully in a world of solitude
View the rude world of attitude and laugh as they feud

I am new, reborn as this world will soon be
As I create it and it shall create me
Time slows and I slow, I speed and time speeds
A garden of me, and from the sun I feed
I am no weed, no common pest, I have come far and rest
For I’ve made despair my nest, I’ve halted the beating in my chest
But no more, I break free from this cast, break free at last
And cast out a light that fast masks the past
And there she stands, a new world, a new quest
With golden skies and sapphire zest, I confess
I cannot contest with the “better” who jest
Who cannot seem to move past body and breasts
But I who look to her eyes, who looks to her soul
Who wishes to have her close in my hold, it’s cold
That she should look to any other, but I need not control
Just smile once more and I shall make you my goal
 


The author's comments:

Is this believable? 


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This article has 6 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 18 2015 at 1:48 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Looking forward! And good to hear from you again. :)

on Jun. 17 2015 at 11:42 am
LotusChild PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
32 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let them hate, so long as they fear me" ~Colligula

I took a break from my writing late, kind of a recharge, let my creative juices rest and whatnot. I have been trying to get a piece out lately, but its taking teen ink an unusually long time to get it published :/

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 16 2015 at 11:36 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Hey, we haven't talked in a while. How've you been? Still alive? I miss reading and discussing [your] great writing with you. :)

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 31 2015 at 4:28 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Okay, comment well-earned! First of all, I'm left with the same impression that I got from "Tender Darkness." It's short, beautiful, emotionally strong, and intriguing because it's different. I love the obviously new direction- definitely curious where that will lead. The beginning feels less "together" than everything from "It's so sweet" and on. I've actually noticed that with a few of your poems where you build up momentum, but sometimes, the beginning is almost too low. Either way, the rest of the poem sucked me in, so well done, and pacing is obviously up to you with the effect you want to create. Other things I noticed: There's an obvious proofreading error in "it taken it's toll," which threw me off right away, so be careful of that. Stanza 2, Line 2 feels like a call back to your captivation with divinity- I like that. The garden/weed metaphor is original and totally works! "Sapphire zest" is just such a delicious pairing of words to roll around in my mouth. ;) Okay, there you go! Sorry for the wait.

Beila BRONZE said...
on May. 28 2015 at 7:28 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Ooh, la la, getting interesting! I'm still waiting on answers to "Imagine My Reality," though, so I'll let you respond there first before I give real feedback here. :P

on May. 28 2015 at 10:25 am
pikachulover SILVER, Kanpur, Other
6 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Remember, today is the tomorrow of yesterday you worried about.

"Relieved as I let go, spotting where dark and light meets", the most emphasizing lines to me. Well- penned!