When I was younger you loved me dearly
but then things changed, I craved you severely
You were always on edge and happiness you lacked
Constantly working, I became so tact
When you weren't there, a mother I craved
Ocean 1212W was where I was saved
Summer I spent in my grandparents arms
Out of your reach, out of your harms

I wrote you letters to make you proud
but seeing my father was not allowed
When he grew Ill we could barely bond
But his love and affection to me was so fond
One half hour is all we got
To please our father we had just one shot

When he died I had just turned eight
When he descended, up went a grate
With nothing but distance in between
I started to choke and started to wean
Our love turned sick and was never enough
So my image of him became very gruff

Many traits I acquired from you,
From my voice to my face, I wanted to shoo
On the outside we were alike
But deep inside I resembled general Ike
Unlike you, selfish and spoiled I was
but then guilt came and bit like jaws

“Love your mother” is what I was taught
My love for you lit up like a watt
I appreciated the sacrifices you made
but my opinion on you constantly swayed
One moment I’d give you my life
but my aggression towards you was always so rife
You helped me to start my future
but who knew after I’d need a suture

My month in New York was all fun and games
Mademoiselle or you? You’re both to blame
At the station you and Granny waited for me
We talked and chated and filled up with glee
but then you said the Harvard letter came
Rejected by the summer school I filled up with shame
As days passed, death surrounded me
From his cold tight grip I could not flee
I began to search for the deeper meaning
but into his arms I kept leaning
Notes to him I carved on my leg
He prepared my body and my grave

But then you saw and we broke apart
Sad and still Dr Thornton read my chart
Depressed, electroshock was my only cure
“If you relax and calm down you will be pure”
For several more sessions the torture persisted
It left me weak and my mind so twisted

Sleepless days and even weeks went on
Feeling nothing, not even a yawn
You gave me a substitute for counting sheep
Just one mom? But I want the heap!

Up in the lockbox, the pill bottle sat
Oh mother dear, I always know where you’re at
One look at the calendar, the Queen's coronation day
I wanted to stay hidden I was unsure what to say
“Have gone for a long walk. Will be home tomorrow”
I don't want a mess and I don’t want your sorrow
My body was failing and slowly giving up
I grabbed a blanket and filled my cup

My own little room was now my heaven
Take one pill? Ha! How about seven
I walked downstairs and crawled in a space
My body calmed down and my heart slowed its pace
I wanted to make you proud and become a Beekeeper
But instead I attempted to be a great sleeper