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A night inside my head
10:30 pm.
"Goodnight mum and dad. I love you!"
"We love you too!"
11:42 pm.
The thoughts are starting.
"Wake up. Wake up. Come play with us."
"Go away Anna." I press back at her.
They don't listen.
12:01 am.
Poking at my ribs.
Fingernails dug into my skin.
"Wake up. We are bored. Play with us."
"No Ana. Not tonight."
Nails dug deeper, sunk into the bone.
"Okay, i'm awake, let's play."
12:35 am.
Laughter fills the room.
Not happy, light laughter.
I'm terrified for my life.
1:39 am.
Ana lays in bed next to me.
I don't feel as lonely.
2:14 am.
Her claws dig into my skin and bones to let me know she's not leaving.
"You're not making it out alive this time." She hisses in my ear.
I'm scared.
3:27 am.
I have to get up in 2 hours,
Honestly I don't want to be alive.
I don't want to go to school.
"Don't worry darling. You won't make it that far."
Sigh.
4:12 am.
"I love you." Her embrace cutting off my oxygen supply.
"I love you too, Ana." I choke out.
This isn't good.
I can't breathe.
5:03 am.
I have 27 minutes.
My eyes have not closed.
I can feel the bile in my throat.
"I can't believe you actually ate. You're only getting fatter."
I roll over.
5:30 am.
I have to get up.
I made it through another night.
"Please don't leave me." Caws tight and fangs sharp.
"Don't worry Ana. I can't escape you."
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We all have bullies, but not all of them are real. Sometimes they are just inside your head.