The teacher's lecture drones on
And fades into the white noise of my unfocused surroundings,
Like a message scribbled into the sand with a stick,
Only to be washed away with the flowing tide,
Soon forgotten.
A boy somewhere behind me snores.
The teacher continues ranting enthusiastically pretending not to notice,
She hears too.
I cringe at the hands on the clock moving so unmercifully,
Slowly ticking along
TICK'TOCK'TICK'TOCK
The clock taunts and torments me with its unyielding control over time.
I curse it silently for its absolute control over my emotions,
Willing time to just speed up.
Praying time would skip ahead.
My mind is a frantic bird trapped in a cage,
Ready to peck its way out and fly away to you.
My thoughts are racing as the moment I have dreamt of draws near.
I will finally find the courage to talk to you today.
Tell you that for a year your radiance has left me awestruck and clumsy,
Tell you that your flawless imperfections have been the source of my adoration.
Tell you to notice me.
BELL.
I won't let my senseless insecurities trump my determination as I step into the crowded High school hallway,
Not this time.
There are boys wrestling in an attempt to impress some girls watching nearby,
They are clearly flattered by the boy's theatrical show.
Outcasts are pushing through cliques of gossiping cheerleaders who squeal their protest
Wallflowers are trying to slide quickly through the halls unnoticed
Kids are laughing and shouting all around me,
But I am oblivious.
My mind is occupied and teeming with thoughts of you.
So with unsteady steps and head held high,
I walk towards the hall you'll be coming through
There you are.
Sweet, silly, clueless boy.
The sight of you makes me choke and cough
A bead of sweat rolls down between my shoulder blades.
I take a deep breath.
You are still coming towards me.
I try to smile and laugh as the butterflies in my stomach dance to an upbeat Ricky Martin record.
I hum along.
My giggle comes out as a strangled gurgle that hangs in the air between us.
You are too beautiful.
Your brown eyes
Your lips
Your hair
Your velvet skin
My heart is beating too quickly, Too loud, as I take it all in.
Can you hear it?
Before I could open my mouth and release the secret of a concealed heart,
You smiled.
I couldn't breathe.
I panicked.
I turned and walked the other way.
You paused only briefly while I feigned interest in a hangnail on my left hand,
Too intently.
You looked right through me.
Waves of chilling heat slid down my spine,
I shivered.
The smell of your cologne burned my nose,
Too sweet, Too Strong,
Filling my head and drowning me in new found confidence.
I opened my mouth,
DING! DING! DING!
Tardy bell.
I just stared as you walked by,
And for the fourth time this week I missed my chance to say
'Hi, I'm Janessa.'