Today I was told that a kid I’ve known for years
died

Heart attack
cells build up
inflamed
the outer shell cracks
heart starved
for oxygen
an instant killer

I didn’t know him well
not well at all
and I’d hate to reduce him down to a place or memory
But when people die, that’s what you do

We went to the same summer camp
no, that’s too simple of a phrase
The same
paradise
I’m serious, this place is heaven
on Earth
As soon as you drive up the steep hill
time disappears
I’m serious
for years as a child you go by bells
not clocks, watches, or cell phones

This place was paradise
built on a hill
surrounded by forest
Where creating is encouraged
as the farm and forest created our meals
as the lake and mountains created our playground

As mere twelve year olds we would try to sneak a peek
at the time keeper in the kitchen
as we set the wood-lined dining hall
The knife knight protection the spoon princess fromt the fork dragon
A carton of milk and bowls of cereal and oatmeal for every table

This place was paradise
where on my thirteenth birthday
I walked out of the barn to a double rainbow
and later that night
saw my first shooting star
Where they fed me double chocolate cake
with raspberry filling
Where I could escape from the kids of middle school
from the words “fag” and “maneater”
spat in my face by vicious preteens
Where I could live and be Lulu
a simple name for a simple life

This place was paradise
but a new owner and new working policies
told me
I had to wait ‘till sixteen
to come back

So I didn’t

And now,
this place that was my paradise
is paradise in my memories

But today I was told that a kid I’ve known for years died
heart attack
the outer shell cracks
instant killer

And paradise in my mind is now
cold
rainy
full of mourners in black clothing
full of people I loved
that I haven’t seen in years

I hate when a dead child is reduced to a memory or place
but I think this time it’s okay
because he can live in my memory
in paradise