Evergreen | Teen Ink

Evergreen

November 30, 2023
By Josephine-Yein-Lee BRONZE, Seoul, Other
Josephine-Yein-Lee BRONZE, Seoul, Other
1 article 1 photo 0 comments

A small figure as tall as a small sapling

Still growing  

Small chuckles and giggles popping

Here and there 


Small braids dangling on my hair 

Wearing princess dresses

Decorated with jewelry 

Playing with dolls and stuffed animals 


Always looking up to the sun

With two hazel eyes 

That is…

Me 


Long legs towering above the sky 

That's how tall you were

Tall as a tree looking up to you

Harabuji


You always smiled tenderly 

Just like the sun 

Looking down on me 

And I look up to you


As if I was a sunflower 

That’s how you looked at me

At….

Evergreen


You made the bad days fly away with your words 

With a light blow of your breath 

You made me feel better with your tears of happiness 

That watered me and made me grow 


As if I am right now 

To be like a sunflower 

You 

Harabuji… 

 

But where are you now, Harabuji? 

Did you leave me alone? 

In Evergreen? 

An everlasting place between you and me? 


We used to float in the clouds 

We used to run in the hills 

We used to look at the starry dark sky

We used to admire the trees 


We used to be together 

In Evergreen 

An everlasting place

Between you and me… 


Why have you chosen to fly away with the singing angels?

Why did you go to the land of happiness? 

Why did you go to the land full of joy and peace?

Why without me?


Did I lose you? 

Or did you just leave me? 

Why did you leave me alone? 

Alone in Evergreen? 


The everlasting place 

Between you and me? 

Will you even open the gates for me and welcome me?

When, I follow your path? 


Will you beam the same way you did on the last day? 

When the angels call my name and take me?

Do you even remember me? 

Harabuji? 


You always knew that sunflowers needed the sun 

You left me alone in 

Evergreen… 

The everlasting place between you and me 


Now I am never-seen

Now I’m not the sunflower you used to know 

Not the sunflower that usually went up to you and grabbed your legs

Not the sunflower that always shines in the darkest moments 

 

I now sulk in the shadows

Just like a sunflower that has not been watered

I now droop under the fake sun, which isn’t you 

Just like a person who lost one’s universe 


I now look like a down-hearted person

Just like a person who lost something 

Have I lost you? 

Harabuji? 


Can you even hear me?  

Hello, are you there, Harabuji? 

Am I even able to find you again?

And bring you back to Evergreen? 


It seems like yesterday when you were in front of me, beaming at me 

With a huge truthful gaze 

Then I open my eyes 

And I encounter reality 


Realizing that gone means 

Forever…

The last glimpse I had of you was you smiling and saying,

“That’s my proud little girl.” 


“I may have lost you”

“I may have failed you”

“I may never find you”

That is what I said when I closed my eyes

 

Then you came to me 

Harabuji…

In my dreams 

Unexpectedly, 


“Remember,”

“I’m always in you” 

“Always beside you”

“Always with you” 


I may have lost you, but I will eventually find you 

In my heart

In my memories 

I still remember you, Harabuji 

 

I hope you remember me 

I will keep our memories

We spent in Evergreen 

I will take care of Evergreen


I have found you

I did not lose you

I will not forget you

Harabuji… 


There will be no sorrow

There will be no fear 

You are not lost 

You are still with me


I am still your sunflower 

Harabuji...

In Evergreen

An everlasting place between you and me 


Even though we may be apart 

We are together 

In Evergreen

An everlasting place…


Between 

You 

And 

Me


The author's comments:

I wanted to show this sing-songy perspective that I had when I was young. My grandfather passed away when I was 6 and I clearly remember what happened before he passed away. For the first few stanzas you can see that I described myself as a "small sapling" Through this people would understand that I was very young and had a very pure heart. Also, I have some memories of me looking up at my grandfather because he was tall. Being tall was one of my grandfather's most unique characteristics. Moreover, since I am Korean and my entire family is Korean I wanted to slightly show our tradition by using a Korean word, "Harabuji." "Harabuji" basically means grandfather but the point is I said "Harabuji" a lot when I was young. So I wanted to incorporate it in my poetry. After he passed away, my mom called his burial ground "Evergreen." When I was young I would sometimes hang small tree accessories or small notes on his burial tree. My mom called it "Evergreen" because everything around his tree was the everlasting nature and the color green. So I described how my grandfather left me at Evergreen because usually my grandfather played with me but instead, I was alone at Evergreen so I wanted to describe the scenery of Evergreen and talk about my young self imagining myself and my grandfather at Evergreen. Since this happened 8 to 10 years ago and I don't really think about my grandfather anymore I wanted to create poetry specifically for him. I hope my grandfather is looking at me up from heaven and smiling.


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