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Evergreen
A small figure as tall as a small sapling
Still growing
Small chuckles and giggles popping
Here and there
Small braids dangling on my hair
Wearing princess dresses
Decorated with jewelry
Playing with dolls and stuffed animals
Always looking up to the sun
With two hazel eyes
That is…
Me
Long legs towering above the sky
That's how tall you were
Tall as a tree looking up to you
Harabuji
You always smiled tenderly
Just like the sun
Looking down on me
And I look up to you
As if I was a sunflower
That’s how you looked at me
At….
Evergreen
You made the bad days fly away with your words
With a light blow of your breath
You made me feel better with your tears of happiness
That watered me and made me grow
As if I am right now
To be like a sunflower
You
Harabuji…
But where are you now, Harabuji?
Did you leave me alone?
In Evergreen?
An everlasting place between you and me?
We used to float in the clouds
We used to run in the hills
We used to look at the starry dark sky
We used to admire the trees
We used to be together
In Evergreen
An everlasting place
Between you and me…
Why have you chosen to fly away with the singing angels?
Why did you go to the land of happiness?
Why did you go to the land full of joy and peace?
Why without me?
Did I lose you?
Or did you just leave me?
Why did you leave me alone?
Alone in Evergreen?
The everlasting place
Between you and me?
Will you even open the gates for me and welcome me?
When, I follow your path?
Will you beam the same way you did on the last day?
When the angels call my name and take me?
Do you even remember me?
Harabuji?
You always knew that sunflowers needed the sun
You left me alone in
Evergreen…
The everlasting place between you and me
Now I am never-seen
Now I’m not the sunflower you used to know
Not the sunflower that usually went up to you and grabbed your legs
Not the sunflower that always shines in the darkest moments
I now sulk in the shadows
Just like a sunflower that has not been watered
I now droop under the fake sun, which isn’t you
Just like a person who lost one’s universe
I now look like a down-hearted person
Just like a person who lost something
Have I lost you?
Harabuji?
Can you even hear me?
Hello, are you there, Harabuji?
Am I even able to find you again?
And bring you back to Evergreen?
It seems like yesterday when you were in front of me, beaming at me
With a huge truthful gaze
Then I open my eyes
And I encounter reality
Realizing that gone means
Forever…
The last glimpse I had of you was you smiling and saying,
“That’s my proud little girl.”
“I may have lost you”
“I may have failed you”
“I may never find you”
That is what I said when I closed my eyes
Then you came to me
Harabuji…
In my dreams
Unexpectedly,
“Remember,”
“I’m always in you”
“Always beside you”
“Always with you”
I may have lost you, but I will eventually find you
In my heart
In my memories
I still remember you, Harabuji
I hope you remember me
I will keep our memories
We spent in Evergreen
I will take care of Evergreen
I have found you
I did not lose you
I will not forget you
Harabuji…
There will be no sorrow
There will be no fear
You are not lost
You are still with me
I am still your sunflower
Harabuji...
In Evergreen
An everlasting place between you and me
Even though we may be apart
We are together
In Evergreen
An everlasting place…
Between
You
And
Me
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I wanted to show this sing-songy perspective that I had when I was young. My grandfather passed away when I was 6 and I clearly remember what happened before he passed away. For the first few stanzas you can see that I described myself as a "small sapling" Through this people would understand that I was very young and had a very pure heart. Also, I have some memories of me looking up at my grandfather because he was tall. Being tall was one of my grandfather's most unique characteristics. Moreover, since I am Korean and my entire family is Korean I wanted to slightly show our tradition by using a Korean word, "Harabuji." "Harabuji" basically means grandfather but the point is I said "Harabuji" a lot when I was young. So I wanted to incorporate it in my poetry. After he passed away, my mom called his burial ground "Evergreen." When I was young I would sometimes hang small tree accessories or small notes on his burial tree. My mom called it "Evergreen" because everything around his tree was the everlasting nature and the color green. So I described how my grandfather left me at Evergreen because usually my grandfather played with me but instead, I was alone at Evergreen so I wanted to describe the scenery of Evergreen and talk about my young self imagining myself and my grandfather at Evergreen. Since this happened 8 to 10 years ago and I don't really think about my grandfather anymore I wanted to create poetry specifically for him. I hope my grandfather is looking at me up from heaven and smiling.