I am deep in the trench of my own darkness.

There is no one but me. I am alone. No one can hear my cries, my pleads.

They are unheard because in my dangerously average life, they are unsaid.

I am average. I am a small me in a huge world.

I am categorized as ‘good, but never good enough’.

This isn’t a call for determination, this is a call to quit. To give up.

To stop trying to swim out of the trench, when I know I will just sink deeper.

All I have left is to pray. To pray to God to make it stop, to give me a reason why,

to save me so I can return to my falsely happy life of avoiding the suffering.

I struggle on, I thrash at the current, I scream for mercy and for any sort of sign.

I don’t give up, I simply stop moving.

Thinking, laying. I have no intention of dying,

but I no longer have any desire to live the same way I was.

To ask God to save me, only so I can run away, is why I am still in this trench, fighting for my soul.

I stop fighting it. As I lay with my face to the sun above and back to the abyss of my past,

my buoyancy of faith gradually floats me up.

Breaking the surface, my soul is on fire. My spirit bursts, vibrant and light.

I still gasp for breath from the battle of my past, but I am alive. I am out of the darkness of loneliness. I am not average. I am enough for me.