Fragments of a day | Teen Ink

Fragments of a day

October 12, 2014
By RohanKhan SILVER, Plano, Texas
RohanKhan SILVER, Plano, Texas
6 articles 2 photos 4 comments


The soft soil slept below,
Above the dark sky shone;
And all around,
With a lulling sound
A warming gale did groan.
Rested still, the scattered stone,
As rushing, bounded braids did throw,
Churns that hushed the cicadas moan,
Ever soft, as sounds of swelling snow.
And though the buzz of mellowest tone
Eased the aching many alley cat’s bone,
Nor purr would ring, nor bird would tweet
But hearken, an even stilling sound that flown.
Where happy hues their airy rounds repeat
Of throbbing beats that concur their conceit.
A piping croon and rotund trombone
Diapason from two figures reposed, together alone.

Pallid rays of moonshine hue
Illumed thine eyes in its glare.
As a crane may beam
Along a sluggish stream,
Performing- so the gleam glances there-
As does it here,
And yellows the fringes of thy tangled hair
Scatter spread by the warm breath of night,
That then pressed and stroked with care
It may slide again across a skin as fair,
And soft as this twilled quilt of grass
Where we bask at end, the winding pass,
Performing- so well together we dance-
Acknowledged by the moonbeam’s glance.

The moon made thy lips pale, beloved;
Against its lambent blush
The languid wind made your bosom chill
And the night did shed
On thy dear head
It’s softening dews, and thou didst lie
The silken eaves of thine tired eyes.
And admire did the starry sky
As did I, your heart’s endearing rush.
And yet, script to perfection cannot stay
When allotted fragments of an enduring day
Sonorous sighs and sights that sway,
Do visit me at will.
Although there is that of hold, in candor I know,
That past the knotty knolls and scattered copsewood blows,
A warmer gale still.


The author's comments:

I kind of fell in love. We laid together on the grass at the end of this trail in a nature perserve, it was later in the afternoon, i kissed her, i itemized her face and her figure, and i fell in love with everything that she was. The day we had was so memioral i composed upon it when i came home. I might give it to her one day.


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This article has 4 comments.


on Oct. 19 2014 at 8:32 pm
RohanKhan SILVER, Plano, Texas
6 articles 2 photos 4 comments
Thank you for your consideration! at which stanza/line do you first become distracted? and how do you feel specific lines could be reformed?

Zach_M BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2014 at 1:20 am
Zach_M BRONZE, Andersonville, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 30 comments
It starts out with a basic rhyme scheme, but this the rhyme scheme becomes distorted. I can make sense of it, but it's hard to follow. This poem is okay, and I love how you relate it to love.but, you should consider your syllable count and try to match it within your lines.

on Oct. 19 2014 at 12:30 am
RohanKhan SILVER, Plano, Texas
6 articles 2 photos 4 comments
Thank you so much for actually critising my work! How would you suggest if incorrprate a stronger pattern and at which stanza? at which point do you feel the peice slipping?

on Oct. 18 2014 at 7:22 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

This is a beautiful piece of poetry. To be honest I don't understand half of it, but it sounds amazingly poetic. The only suggestion I have is to work on your meter. If you followed a syllabic pattern, your poem would have more rhythm. Overall, this is an exceptional poem and you are an incredible writer!