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Theory of Fear
My eyes open to a blurred vision
And the dreadful feeling of a thousand bricks
Resting on my chest
I find it difficult to catch my breath
If I even remember to breathe
I inhale hesitantly, shakingly, painfully
In and out
In and out
Yes, it hurts
The whole of my body is unresponsive
Numb
Paralyzed
Unable to shake the dreadful feeling
That something…
Something is terribly wrong
As I lie here all alone
A persistent pain grows in my chest
As I try to push against the bricks
But the law of gravity holds me captive
Like flesh to cotton sheets
I can’t move
I can’t move
No matter how hard I try
I can’t
Yes, it hurts
I part my lips to speak
To call out “ HELP”
But it would four letters I never say
Instead, the word sits in my head
Mocking me
But the room is silent
Except that it isn’t
Not in my mind
My eyes suddenly begin to move…
My vision no longer blurred
They shift frantically around my bedroom
In panic
In confusion
I mean I am confused
My eyes shift from left to right
Left to right
Left to right
Left…
Until they’re left frozen
Paralyzed
Like the rest of my body
Numb
Except for the aching pain in my chest
Yes, it hurts
Lost in darkness
Trapped
In this nightmare
As the outline of a stygian figure
A shadowed man
Sits crossed legged
In front of me
On my beige carpeted floor
Hazy like the static of a television
The shadow figure
Peered at me from unseen eyes
Whispering faint words to me
“ I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING”
Six words I’d never say
Six words floating in my head
Mocking me
But restricted by fear
I choke on them
Instead of coughing them out
I can’t move
I can’t move
Please, someone, hear my screams
In this darkness
My heart pounding...
Weighted down by the pressure of the bricks
Yes, it hurts...
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This piece if about experiencing sleep paralysis for the first time.