once there was a little girl

who counted her blessings

and was surrounded in a never-ending circle of love

                   however

                          some things must all come to an end

it’s what you least expect

she was loved by her parents

she was loved by her grandparents

she was loved by her brothers and cousins

what she didn’t know

was that love was like a flower

blooming

      wilting

              and dead

sometimes they will bloom again

               she came a long way

188.3 miles to be exact

           from everything she knew

getting caught in the riptide of life

she learned how to swim

she not only learned how to swim

         she learned how to surf.

she let the waves sweep everything away,

      as she disappeared into the deep dark mysteries of the world

Year after year, day after day, people came, and they left.  The first time it happened, of course, was the worst. Every word pierced her as if she was shot with a bow and arrow. Although she wasn't a part of it, she felt as if she was. When the news was broken to her, it broke her. How could the people that said they would always love her go?  How could a feeling of love affect someone so greatly? This was the first heartbreak, the beginning of it all. It taught her to tightly hold her soul, and not to count on anything or anyone.

At first, it feels as if it’s a breeze. A gust of bad luck and it will be better soon. Then you wake up in the morning and the feeling is no longer a breeze. It’s a tsunami, a giant wave of sadness and heartbreak. The cleanup isn’t much better, it all depends on how big and powerful the wave was. No matter how long it takes for it to get better, days, months, or years, it still takes a little piece of your heart. That’s a piece you will never get back, however on some occasions, she learned you can. Some people can come into your life and mend you back, they can make you learn to love again, to truly laugh, and enjoy life. She learned you have to take chances to find these people, and sometimes it doesn’t always work out. Sometimes you will get hurt, lost, and betrayed. It is all worth it when you find the person you are truly meant to be with.

Her dreams flew beyond the horizon, extending to the almost impossible. She spent countless hours imagining the places she could be, and the things she could be doing. It brought her hope and light into her life. She was young, but a dreamer at heart. Things come, and things go. Brightness shines, but then the darkness can return. It is the ultimate circle of happiness.

She was in seventh grade.

In seventh grade, everything changed.

She watched her friends walk away, everything that she had known. But then, the extraordinary occurred. It's funny how the things that you least expected, can happen.

It was a new way, a new lifestyle. Being shocked from one side of the spectrum to the other was difficult. She changed, she followed other ways. For a while, she didn’t know who she truly was. But after a long time, she truly found herself.

It wasn't easy, after all that she had been through. Not everyone could understand, either. What someone looks like on the outside, compared to how they feel on the inside can be complete opposites.  That’s how she felt, for the longest time.      - it even took a lot for her to write this

She felt like she was constantly watched, and judged. She was scared to be herself and was afraid to say something wrong in front of others

don’t talk that way          don’t dress that way                 

don’t walk that way                           - you better be good enough   

nobody told her she had to be that way

she just wanted to breeze through

unnoticed and untouched by the people around her

she observed & kept quiet throughout the years

silently taking notes
 

Heartbreak is like a cut

At first, the pain rips through your skin

After a while it starts to heal and scab over

If it cuts deep enough                   it will leave a scar

her soul is damaged
 

but for your sake

you better not cry

you better not show it on the outside

we all have this philosophy that we need to seem perfectly fine

you must be careful of who you let inside

our society feasts on the weak

left out defenseless with nobody by their side

sometimes their only savior

is the person who poisons their soul

demons disguised as angels

Everyone says high school changes you

It doesn't It does; true colors are shown

People either fall into the crowd or fall out

it was different for her

She tried to keep her head up

Yet that failed once again

Knocked down, falling to the ground

Being trampled from the people walking over her

The only thing that kept her going was the hope of the future

From the outside she blossomed like a flower

But on the inside she built a wall

The wall blocked out everything she thought would hurt her

Thoughts, feelings, love

She kept telling herself it would be ok

She dove headfirst into the water

Indulging herself in things to take her mind off the obvious

To take her mind off what she had lost

She got lost within the pages of books, where she felt at home

She almost lost herself while she was at it
california, only a dream to a small town girl like her, right? Nobody could ever believe she would do it. Too much money, too far away, not like someone like  her could do it anyways.

but who are others to judge?

we all have our own dreams, our own paths. we need to understand we all have our different destinies and that’s just the way of life. we don’t need to shame on others.

simply support

support will make our world a brighter place. uplifting and confidence are a key part of getting to our goals. she held true to her soul and everything she knew, for one day she knew if she set her mind to it, she can do it.

she can’t wait for the day to happen

for now she will wait.  she will wait 3 years, 10 years, 20 years, or even 50 years.

however long it takes

and when the day finally comes, it will be the best day of her life.

for now (at least) she can only dream
but that surely isn’t the only thing she dreams of

she dreams of finding the one who truly understands her and admires her for who she is. the one who will stay with her and never dip behind her back, and i mean               never.

most importantly she dreams of being happy. she dreams of a world where we can all get along. she dreams of a judge free world where we can all express ourselves in the way we want to. a world where we all have the choice to be free and make our own choices.

but that’s only in a perfect world, right?

in her perfect world she feels free

she admires the trees, the bees, the mountains

she is indulged in the natural beauty

however there is one thing that always sweeps her away

the ocean that helped her learn how to swim

now i don’t mean literally

the ocean represents the peace of her life

sometimes she is sucked back into the depths of life

sometimes she enjoys the cool, smooth waves of life

it’s all about your purpose

somedays have quiet vibes

& some days have rapid waves

it can be treacherous, even deathly at times

keep your head up darling and don’t even think about drowning
The second treacherous wave hit her

It hit her so hard, it nearly knocked her off of her feet

(spoiler alert, she stood back up again)

It didn’t just come in one wave, should i say

It came in several, just after the calm serenity had returned, and she had just begun to trust herself again.

But once again she opened up in hopes that someone would finally understand her. that someone would finally come and rescue her out of the deep pit she had fallen into.

here and there she would start to finally believe she would be okay, and everything would be fine. everything nothing was going to be okay.

Everything seemed to be a slow spiral downhill. There was no power to stop it either.

-welcome to the real world as her mother would say

we no longer are restricted. We are free souls. Our mothers don’t tell us what to do anymore, they advise us. We make our own decisions. But that’s what real life is all about, right?

once there was a little tree

the big trees towered over her and protected her

the little tree kept growing, and growing

faster than she knew it she towered over the other trees

they told her to be strong little tree, for we will not always be there for you

she valued them for the rest of her life
but it wasn’t always pain, heartbreak, and sorrow

these things not only shaped her but they also made her appreciate

they made her appreciate not only the big things in life

but also the small moments in life

these moments can disappear in an instant

life as we know it is a precious thing

we come to a point in our lives where we realize this

we live for all of the happy moments

we absorb the light and we embrace the darkness

it only makes us stronger

if we weren't meant for these lives we wouldn't be here

but we are, we are strong enough

we can swim against the current

we just need to believe in ourselves

this is a hard concept

as many will say

“ nobody told you it was gonna be easy “

once all the hard work pays off in the end

i can promise you that it will all be worth it

what is the ultimate purpose in life?

the american dream? a lot of money?

what truly makes you happy-

isn’t happiness the most important quality of life?

it isn’t always raining

many people don’t appreciate the good aspects of their life

they focus on the bad

this means they are completely losing out

on one of the most simple parts of life

what is the point without happiness

it took her a long time to realize this

a lot of sadness, a lot of heartbreaks

ultimately these shaped her and taught her to be happy with herself

she realized she didn't always need someone to assure her

she knew she was gonna be okay

laugh it off, smile

be your most authentic self, you are special darling

even when the waves get stronger

remember you know how to swim