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To The Girl Looking Back At Me
To The Girl Looking Back At Me
I hate you
I hate your voice
The nasal tones you twist to a low requiem
I hate your smile
Cause it’s always awkward and stiff
I hate your body
Since it seems to curve out at your stomach and twist in at your hips
I hate your clothes and your hair and your glasses
And your skin and your height and your laugh
But I haven’t always hated you
I might have even loved you
A long time ago when life was easy
Loving was easy
And beauty didn’t have a weight limit or a price tag
Appeal was a boundless silhouette
Mirrors showing nothing but charm
Like the unconditional admiration from mother to daughter
Cherishing you like a father does his first-born son
Guess that makes you Issac
But no one stopped Abraham
I gaze, petrified into the looking glass
Silently watching you throw yourself upon the altar
Watch you tear yourself to shreds
Every rage another rip
Every slight slice
All of a sudden the alluring mirror shatters
And the shards become someone I’ve never known
Transforming you into a mere funhouse replication
Filling your sleep with nightmares and your days with sleep
Filling your stomach with sugar and your throat with fingers
Filling your time with acid, at least they’re that toxic
And filling your mind with thoughts
You’re gonna be nothing
Do you even want to be something?
I mean look at you
You think people want to see that face
Face it, you’ll never be anything now
We’ll never be anything
I’ll never be anything
Not an artist or an actor or an architect
Not a lover cause I’ve always been a fighter
But can’t I fight for love, for you
I loved you once, why can’t I again?
Get lost in muddied green pools again
As I stare into your eyes again
Notice your confidence as sparks fly again
Fireworks highlighting the waves of your figure
I’m losing myself in your ocean
Your freckles creating constellations in the sky
You’re such a beautiful sight
Shards of glass put back together
Reflective pieces of myself making a dazzling mosaic
And I think
As I stare into puzzle pieces fit together to make our portrait
I love you
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This poem is dedicated to all the people who can't stand their own reflection, one of those people having been me. I promise it'll get better, it just takes time.