Yes it’s been months 

Six to be exact

And i've thought a lot about what i would say to you if i ever got the courage

I would tell you all about how this half a year without you has been for me 

I would tell you how it felt to go from whatever we were back to total strangers

And i would start from the beginning

The first month (October) was hard. At the time I thought it would be the hardest one. It wasn't 

It was rainy though. Maybe not outside, but in my room, it never stopped pouring

The second month (november) was spent pretending nothing happened

It was spent going for donuts on thanksgiving ignoring the tension that could be cut with a knife

It was spent awkwardly laughing hoping no tears would fall by accident

This was the hardest month

Month three (december) was spent acting okay.

It was spent giving up my alcohol supply for you on your birthday and answering drunken facetime calls from you at two in the morning pretending like every word i knew you didn't mean isn't breaking my heart all over again

January (month four) was spent angry with you but also angry with me 

I should've been over you by now 

It was spent green with envy over something i shouldn't even want anymore

The fifth month (february) was spent tired. 

Tired of being mad, of thinking about you, of forgiving you, of wanting you, of hating you, and tired of loving you

Now, as i enter the sixth month (march), the first real month of spring,

I hope it will be spent growing

I hope it will be spent letting the light of others in through the shadows of our past

I hope it will be spent feeling the love of those who want to stay and forgetting the worthlessness i felt when you left

I hope it will be spent like the flowers

Shedding old skin, and blooming new petals