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if only
If only the sun had shone brighter,
Illuminating rain, cutting
Sharp and swift;
If only the cars had let me pass
Crowded streets of angry drivers and
A body holding onto life;
If only my footsteps had carried me
Past wind and fresh sleet
To fluorescent lights, dirty tiles, a little quicker;
If only the descent wasn’t riddled with doubt,
Picturing your hand in
That of someone else’s;
If only I was able to wait for your train
Without thinking of drought,
Of incessant decay, of her;
If only I had seen you
Slip
Beyond me
Up the stairs without turning back
And if only, if only-
If only you had stayed,
Laughed in your voice of bells
As you led me to your arms.
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