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After the Seventh Voicemail, the Answering Machine Explodes
My brain doesn’t work in the third dimension anymore.
Nothing happened. I was just worried about
the way my grandfather’s smile curls when he calls me pretty.
The way my father has to remind him I’m his granddaughter.
Can calcium kill you? I used to be smart and now I’m lactose intolerant.
My parents take me notebook shopping so I can pick out a new therapist.
I throw up in the clearance aisle and we leave without paying.
No wonder my mood ring is purple. I’m high on ultraviolet
nothing. It’s just a Tuesday and I can’t stop laughing
about how I want to steal the traffic cone on my street.
You’re not here like I am.
Butterfly gardens underneath period-marked mattresses.
She is a thirteen-year-old’s first bikini and I hate it when she gets like this.
Tank-top-low-cut-cutting-up-skin til it shows. On purpose.
She is a lying mirror.
Six months ago I thought I was a lesbian.
Now I have a boyfriend and I’m selling my boobs back to God.
I’ve hit the deep end and I’m breathing fine,
chiropracting book spines and learning to smoke
from movies.
I used to be a copycat and now I'm a phoenix wishing on angel numbers.
Let’s have a college conversation and lower my expectations
about if or how and when or if I will ever see my grandfather
remember to smile for a photo again.
I strike again against the matchbox.
Can you feel the pen in your back when I write about you?
Because I think if my chest/I think if my heart
grows another size,
I’m going to implode.
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This poem is about my expirences being transgender non-binary and mental illness.