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letters addressed to the river, ii
An ocean between us
the tsunami comes rushing in
not a day has passed
I miss you like air, like sound, like silence
northstar, homecoming, heartbeat
you have peeled back my skin and laid my soul bare
only to find that there is nothing there
I handed myself to you all those years ago when I told you to go
and you’ve carried me with you
through tundra and rain
through all your wreckage and pain
did it keep you steady
did it keep you sane
I left myself in your hands
and I have yet to learn
how to pull myself back into my skin
out of the grip of our childhood tragedy
holding on to a losing hand
Sisyphus with his rolling stone
up I climb
and up once more
how cruel you must be
your voice calls me home
but the locks have been changed
up I climb
and up once more
how cruel you must be
your hand reaches
but our fingers don’t meet
up I climb
and up once more
each time crueler than the time before
two worlds away
I cut my hand and call out your name
two universes away
your heart breaks, you have nothing to say, but I hear your voice shake
this is destined
this is pain
my loneliness does not ache the same
it grows and grows
feasts on time and laps up distance
this is nothing fragile
this is nothing flimsy
this is gone and back again
this is forgotten and remembered
this is dead but now risen
this is waiting, waiting, waiting
northstar, homecoming, heartbeat
I miss you like air, like comfort, like craving
a lifetime has passed
the tsunami comes rushing in
there are oceans between us
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