when we didn’t know what to say, or how to say it

because we were scared of what you’d tell us

we’d hide behind ourselves and things we believed when you cared

you said not to cry, that you’d always be there

you’re still here, the only reason for our tears

and yet we keep masking our faces

and pretending the tears are ones of joy

you fed us with your bare hands

these little white lies that you painted blue

and we still wonder why you never put that paintbrush down

you sang lullabies to us in the middle of the day

hoping we’d close our eyes

as if we weren’t watching you that whole time

you sent us to pageants in our sleep

wearing gowns and crowns

and acting like looking pretty was worth it

hiding again, hiding behind fake smiles

you gave us books to write in

and here we are

hiding

hiding

behind fake names

pretending our lives are under pseudonyms