perfectionism

one word

i stay up

refusing to give less than my best

i see the hours escape as i sit 

paralyzed

but it’s still not perfect

thirteen letters

i’m told: perfect doesn’t exist

then what am i doing wrong?

has all this exertion and deprivation led toward

anything?

what’s this all for?

five vowels

i can’t get away from it

it’s stapled to my mind and chained to my body

and i want to blame someone else for my self-inflictions

but the red hands behind my back shriek guilty

and it won’t wash away

eight consonants 

i repeat the phrase

over and over

it’s ok to get an imperfect grade

and i know i tried my best

but why does my heart still plummet 

when my grade learns what imperfection means

one word

it’s what i need to be

and if i’m not,

i’ll fade into the background

i want 

no, i need you to see me

perfect.

would you still notice me if i wasn't?

-a mirrorball