this piece, titled rumination (compulsive fretting) is an ode to my mental health as a person who struggles with what I call "achieving comfort"- but is really obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions. I have always had sleeping problems, and a lot of my obsessions are related to ensuring that I have as good sleep as I can possibly get every night. That being said, I apply and reapply lotion and chapstick because I can't sleep if any feature of mine feels moderately dry, or has the capacity to feel that way at any point in the night. I get up and go to the bathroom 6 times in ten minutes so I don't wake up with the urge to in the middle of the night because if I wake up, I won't be able to get back to sleep. These things among many others. Ironically, all this behavior keeps me from sleeping before I complete the absurd amount of tasks I feel I have to, and once I think of something, I can not stop thinking about anything else, let alone sleep, until I get up and do it.