i was no older than 

4, stumbling up a hill

barely knew how to walk

barely knew how to talk

i barely knew

what did i miss?

i missed the ignorant bliss.

i was no older than

5, playing video games with my dad

struggling to stay alive

now i knew how to walk

but no i never knew how to talk

i never knew

what did i miss?

i missed the way i’d rest my head on his wrist.

I was no older than 

6, running away from him

but what would that fix?

i wasn't allowed to walk

i wasn’t allowed to talk

i wasn’t allowed

what did i miss?

i missed the sound of the walls meeting his fists.

i am no older than 

14, wishing i was 4

wishing i barely knew how to talk

i am no older than 

14, wishing i was 5

wishing i was still struggling to stay alive

i am no older than 

14, wishing i was 6

wishing there was something i could fix

i am no older than 

14

what do i miss?

nothing

i don’t allow myself to miss