She was great. 

She listened when I spoke 

and made me feel like the power of a king: desired. 

She always picked up her phone 

and made me feel like the bright, shining sun: important. 

She thought my jokes were funny 

and made me feel like a stage lit up with lights: captivating. 

It’s strange that one person can have that much power. 

Power enough to leave you alone and gutted. 

Power enough to take that desire, importance, 

and captivation and change it to hatred, irrelevance, and distraction. 

Hatred when I pass her in the hallways and it’s like she’s a stranger. Irrelevance when she starts to forget everything I’ve said. 

Distraction when she only talks to me when she’s bored or lonely. 

It’s a funny thing to think so highly of someone 

and have it smashed to pieces. 

To have such a valued relationship become so ephemeral. 

The funniest part of the whole thing is looking back 

and realizing how disastrous that power was. 

Realizing you created an illusion of hope out of desperation. 

That realization is the worse part. 

You lose everything. 

You grieve for something that wasn’t real 

and someone who doesn’t feel the same. 

She was great, but she wasn’t real. 

She didn’t actually listen, she just nodded. 

She barely answered her phone, unless she had something to say. 

She wasn’t laughing with me, but at me. 

She was never great.