Freshman year

A step into the terrifying unknown

Taking huge leaps to friendships

Festering an eagerness to learn

Excited to awake in the early morning

Devastated if I had to miss a single class

Sophomore year

A sense of familiarity 

Comfortability in an established friend group

Confidently walking in the halls possessing a license

Relaxed but equally as challenged

Junior year

Lack of sleep

Replaced with endless nights of textbooks and essays

A depressing loss of weight

Replaced with bad eating habits

Falling outs with people I used to confide in

Care for only academics

Not one second to take a breath

Not processing, just doing

Not satisfaction, only pressure

Not relaxed, extremely overwhelmed

Less family and friends

More office hours

Where has the eagerness to learn gone?

Where has the joy in waking for school gone?

Where has the excitement for school sports gone?

Where has the rest of my life gone?

Senior year

Rethinking my worth

Fighting to define my value in a 250 word college essay

Fitting all my hard work in a single application

The panic attacks 

The scars on my wrist

The sleep deprivation

The countless attempts of giving up

The need to excel

Waiting for the acceptance letters to determine what I’m worth

Skipping every class possible

Feigning sickness to leave

Letting the urge to sleep take over in class

What a difference from freshman year

Who am I?

The school system has ripped me apart

It took away my desire to learn

It taught me only success was acceptable

It robbed my friendships

It restrained me from dreaming

It drew my perspective to focus on grades

It drained the joy of school from me

I gave and gave and gave

But in return, it only took and took and took

In the end

I could not give a single flying f*ck about high school