It was weeks ago.
But it hasn’t ended.
It began with talking. Then crying. Then vomiting. Then leaving.
It shouldn’t be real.
I put everything aside for them.
They vomited and vomited. Never stopped.
Did it every day.
Emptied themself onto me, even when I was overflowing.
Just let them do it.
Why argue? It’ll hurt them if I say no.
Then she died. What? She’s dead? Why? How?
No answers.
I shoved everything aside. For them.
Not a chance to mourn.
Still waiting for a thank you. Still waiting for an apology.
Just kept vomiting,
vomiting everything up, and walking away.
I was covered in vomit.
And they didn’t ask if I needed to be cleaned. Never cared anyway.
Just threw more on.
Can’t even clean it up anymore.
Can’t be bothered.
Leaving me
They left
For them.
For the one who can’t give them any time.
Attached.
Just kept going back, even after everything.
What a f*cking waste of time.
Under all the vomit, I watched something approach. A kind figure.
The figure brushed the vomit aside, no care for how disgusting the vomit was.
It just didn’t see the vomit.
Blind to the unsightly sight.
I could finally see clearly.
Every time it spoke to me the vomit disappeared. Evaporated.
But that didn’t stop them. A little vomit clearing up means I can take more.
They just vomited more. And more.
But it was there to clean the vomit up, even if it was just for a while.
I hoped and prayed and begged to the gods above it would never see.
Would never see the atrocity of a bucket I am.
Because under all of the vomit, under all of me, was more vomit.
Swallowed the vomit.
Became the vomit.
Told myself I’d do it for a month.
Keep clean.
But
the urge
to just
let
it
in.
I did it.
I swallowed the vomit.
I couldn’t help it.
I swallowed so much. So much. Filled my lungs with it. Couldn’t breathe.
Too much.
I hated it.
But I loved it.
Swallowed more. Comfort in being filled with vomit.
God, it hurt.
But god it was what I knew.
There’s so much vomit. Everywhere.
I’m terrified of vomiting on someone else because it hurts.
I know.
I know better than anyone.
So I swallow more. And more. Swallow. Consume. Just take it.
Just swallow. It makes things better.
It makes things easier.
Just take it.
Just a vomit bucket.
Used only for vomit.
Because that’s all you’re good for.
Vomit.