“Forgiven”

When I ask for forgiveness, I do not know

Who to ask, what to ask. Time is gone and 

Nobody is looking back. But the scars on my brain

Throb. The everyday world pours an imaginary salt on them. So

I know that they’re still there. How could I forget? If they are gone,

Then the guilt would go with them.

The past shall not become the future.

I am protecting the future. My scars stay with me. 

I am the architect of the world. Not the one who

Designs the buildings, the one who ensures that the creation is good. 

I’m more of a planner.

I make sure the building can be placed safely. There will be no runoff into

The nearby lake. No laws will be broken. It will not stand too tall or speak too loud.

(So that the neighbors do not complain)

Unless the owner of that house is rich, in which case

The house can be whatever they want. That last part is a joke.

I’m the building and the resident.

I’m also the butcher, down the street from the house 

At the barn. Humanely murdering

The things that I have raised. They’re all me.

The packaging has me smiling

Next to an animal. Living. The crinkled green plastic

Surrounded by many others in the frozen food section.

The child at the store wishes 

She could be with the sheep too. 

We’re all happy together.

Every sheep killed eases the pain of the salt and scars.

Baaaaaaaaaah.

But only for a moment

So the building is far away from the native wildlife,

And the economy is going great: Stable exports

From the sheep. At this rate, I might even get a day off.

The day off kills me.

Isolated, far from the lake and from the people and doing nothing,

The sheep grow. I cannot run from the sheep on my day off. 

They must stay dead.

Chop chop. Chop chop.

The sun wakes me up in the mornings and says,

“Good morning!”

One day I would like to follow the sun, as

Its always on the move, and I bet it sees great things.

The sun surveys the horizon. I can’t be a good planner

Without a good view. 

So this morning I got up. And I sprinted out the door,

Painted dark black and without a finishing coat, 

Anyone who touches it will meet a bad splinter. 

If they do not use the knob, that is. I placed it in a spot

Not many can reach. 

The sun was too fast for me. But that didn’t mean

I stopped. But I realize now I’ve run too far.

I’m lost now. I knew this would happen.

That is why I did not get out of bed this morning.

Baaaaaaaaaah.