It’s not something I can touch

So why does it feel as if it’s caressing my heart?

It's not something I can hold

So why is it gripped inside my interlocked fingers?

It's not something I can carry

So why does it feel like it’s weighing me down?

I have been told I am strong to have worked past it

But I haven’t

It’s still here

Walking with me, hand in hand

The proud pitted feeling in my stomach

The grooves when I run my fingertips over my skin

The matted carpet from countless nights of pacing

It holds my weak wrists together

Stripped from my ability to break free

Will I ever?

I have become submerged in my memories

My two hands at the surface grappling to be pulled out

I have come to realize that I cannot be pulled out

I must pull myself out

My burdensome body feels impossible to swim to the surface

If I could just put it down

I could have a moment to breathe

A sharp inhale of crisp air would seep into my lungs

I would feel light and washed away from what I was previously drowning in

But I cannot put it down

It’s heavy and I’m tired

It might pull me under

And I might let it