Letting you go doesnt mean forgetting you

It means no more questioning 

No more stressing over where you are and who you're with

No more waiting for the bare minimum 

No more vile nights and distracted days 

No more “Guess what he did” or “This is his last chance”

No more you

Looking in the mirror and seeing your mess every day

It leaves a dry silence that suffocates the room

A pale and fragile figure crawls around searching for its sanity 

Slowly realizing the extent of your damage 

Wondering how to undo you from my journey 

A disgusted wave of guilt rises through my body like it once did with adrenaline when I was with him

I reach for my knees gently weeping at the sight of my broken body

The blue and purple eyebags take away from my beautiful blue eyes 

He looked me in those eyes once upon a time 

And said he would never leave me

Clumps of hair laying on my hands 

From when the stress of you became unbearable

I used to twirl my hair when you texted me

Giggling and grinning at your now meaningless words

In this moment of vulnerability, I realized you won

Your game had finally worked!

You pulled and pushed me at your pleasure

You took advantage of my forgiveness and inability to say no

You love-bombed me and preached how you were “Different than the others”

But with no surprise, you were just the same

The same self-centered pity of a man who I let ruin me over and over again

And now im nothing more than a Spotify follower to you

Saying I wish I’d never met you won't mend the fact that I did 

Or erase your laugh from my memory 

Because all along I knew what the outcome would be

But I still played your games blindly, trying to appreciate any moment with you

Always wondering if those would be our last

I was hopeful for a while that more moments would arrive 

That's why I kept your chapter open

Imagine if I never believed you

How much agony and heartache could've been avoided 

Because truly I didnt deserve this 

But you were so believable, an empty promise expert

Eventually, those promises proved themself false 

As the broken record scratches, repeating again

My gullible heart suffered the consequences

So as I clean up the scraps of your mess

I officially close your chapter

Leaving behind all the manipulation and temporary happiness 

Finally scrubbing your touch from my worn-out skin 

Trying to give myself the strength to glue together my pieces again

And starting a new chapter 

Chapter Me.