with every stupid conversation

and meaningless smile

every nerve

in my body

comes 

a l i v e

and suddenly

i wonder

what if 

we could wish the pain away

and be together

just like the movies say

what if 

we could text each other memes at 2 AM

for the next few weeks and forever

to show that we’re not one of them

enduring the pressure together

what if

i could finally recall

what it feels like to be happy

because one smile from you

could fix it all

what if

i can’t stop wishing on every shooting star

even when i stumble over every sentence

and everything is just too bizarre

when i’m losing all my common sense

because 

i don’t have enough paper to write down all these questions

i don’t have enough words to express my emotions

i don’t have enough experience to read your true intentions

i don’t have enough confidence to express these notions

because 

i’m not like all the other girls

and my anxiety could flood oceans

and this is all hopeless

i’m just trying to unfreeze

trying not to cave into the stress

and what am i wearing, why are they staring

i could list all my flaws with ease

and why do i keep comparing, comparing, comparing

and 

why

why

why

can’t i ever be enough for me

but 

even if this is all just a dream

a cruel joke from the universe

i’ve fallen too far to wake up

the soft hum of hope,

whispering

guiding

dashing just beyond insecurity’s icy grip

as i fall down this fathomless slope:

because 

what if 

you felt it too?

what if

what if

what if