Try harder, they said, try less, they said. Which one is it? I never understood why they believe such hateful things, or why they think them in the first place. Honestly, I wish I could try harder, but being that basic blonde, skinny, and happy girl just isn't me. Kindness. Respect. Discipline.

Words people don't understand, or grasp. 

How do they not grasp it?, its basic logic I think. But the “fat” kid was ALWAYS the “fat” kid. Forever made fun off and never got a boyfriend, or any affection from boys. Just the hateful stares, and rude glares, comments about me, made me want to barf. It never ended though, I bleed, cut, bruise, and they seem not to notice my loss of 3 pounds, then next week 5, next week 7, next week 10. I’m down to 150 lbs, and still I'm the “fat” kid. Next week was worse, coughing up blood, water isn't helping, neither are the vitamins. 

What do I do to lose weight faster? Dropped another 10 lbs in 4 days, 3 the next day, I passed out during my workout, didn't get up until 4 minutes later when my grandma shook me awake. Why? Why can't I be naturally skinny, and have a fast metabolism like the other girls. I know I'm not the only one struggling with this, but it feels like I'm alone. All alone, Lonely, Left to rot by myself. I couldn't reach for even the slightest bit of food, water will save me. Right? I couldn't get myself to 130 lbs before school ended, but I was determined to. I only drank 2 bottles of water per day and took 13 vitamins, and health supplements. But I still was 132 lbs, I stopped drinking water for the last 3 days of school, and finally. My goal weight. It still seemed as if I had some pudge left though.

 I was trying not to think about it as I walked into school the next year, now 135 lbs. I still wore my cropped hoodie and jeans, but my stomach was slightly rolling over the top of them. Why? Why can't I keep it off? I always say to myself, but I decided my new goal weight was 125 lbs, I reached that in 2 weeks, I was feeling brand new. But sick, tired, and lonely. I had tons of friends, all blonde and skinny, but still the loneliness lingered. It wouldn't stop playing in my head as I walked by the boys and they smirked and looked me up and down. ‘FATTY” ,”EXTRA FAT TODAY”, THOSE JEANS ARE TIGHT ON HER.” But I just smiled and walked by like that never happened. I continue on with my day, basic old school.