Emotions I can't explain

Hiding all the pain

Today was supposed to be a happy day

It's not about me

I don’t know why

but I feel like an NPC

I don't feel good

I feel disgusting

I feel gross

I’m not sick

it’s just me

I feel ugly in my gut

But I’m not sick

The bride walked down the aisle

Beautiful in her flowers

The groom stood there

My emotions are not able to bear

My emotions jump up my throat

I feel like I’m going to choke,

but I’m not eating or drinking anything

Air feels sophisticating

Talking my emotions is impossible

I don't want to be sad

I want to be glad

Why can’t I be?