There are five poems here.

Love Is a major theme. Idk why lol

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What Does love feel like?

When I thought I was in love,

I was told it was infatuation.

Which was probably true.

But isn't that one sided love?

Truly, I think it felt like love

It was that first time seeing all the stars

It was the pain of being ripped limb from limb

It was the fear of standing on a cliffs edge

It was sky diving while not wearing a parachute-

And it feels like

scars 

laughter 

yearning

avoiding-

All to leave me empty.

All, just to break me.

You built me up, to take off that one single brick that makes me tumble down.

What was beautiful and fun now terrifies me.

Yet I crave it more than anything, like a drug addict made to quit, no questions asked-

Love is addicting.

That's what makes Love feel like swallowing jagged glass while crying tears of joy.

Love feels like healing.

Love feels like pain.

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Well, Sh!t-

There's a moment, the realization-

F#ck, I like this person-

Why this person?

The affection deepens, And the plot thickens,

And holy sh!t I absolutely adore them, don't I?

But why let it be true when they could never, ever feel that way, feel the same as me.

Even with little tid-bits of hope to play into it. 

You think that you're to much of a mess, making it nearly impossible to believe anyone could ever want you as much.

But impossibly, your adoration grows,

And grows, and grows, 

And, somehow, the impossible, it happened-

I'm in love, am i?

Could this person feel the same?

Only for your hope to fade.

You want that love to die, but it cant-

It hurts me but feels so good all at once-

And reality sets in.

Affection. Adoration. Love.

Impossible. 

It's impossible to love something so broken and strange.

It's impossible to love me.

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Everything and Nothing

I want to be the light.

I want to be the sun, the moon, the stars, the city scape on nights horizon, I want to make flowers bloom and rivers sparkle, the beautiful gleam in the eyes of those who are in love.

But I want to be darkness..

The night that calls the nocturnal to hunt and scavenge and howl, the black inky sky that let's those stars shine brighter, the shadows that hide the hunters, and cover up the prey, that hides those crying from that broken heart that won't heal.

I want to be nothing

I want to be the calm before the storm, the blank and empty exspanse of the sky, the space before stars, the silence after the last heart breaking cry of the ones who didn't make it, the empty whole where the heart should be in one whose been broken to many times.

But why do I want to be everything?

That dizzy feeling you get on the tiltawhirl where you see all the rides fly past. The chaos of the classroom when the announcement is good, the screams and laughter of children on the playground, the rush of finding someone who completes you.

Indeed, let me be a contradiction!

Let me be yin and yang, and a snowy desert and a cold fire, a creature with wings who cannot fly, a lion who loves the gazelle yet wants to devour, and a rabbit who longs for the wolf, knowing those warm, hungry, strong jaws will drain its life, 

In love with the one you know will break you, yet you stay because you are so infatuated the pain is dulled to a barely there throb.

I wanna be the universe and all it holds, and the empty vacuum of space.

I'll be it all.

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A Craving

Why do I want love?

I don't even know what love is… the only ones I've been in love with have left me or hurt me, each pain getting worse till the cracks of my heart turned to chips and breaks. Yet still I want someone to hold me and tell me they think im the prettiest person they've ever seen, and still I want them to tell me I'm no where near as bad as I think. I want sappy dates and loving banter and chaste little kisses that show love without having to swap spit. I want to be every size of spoon, and sunset watching and picnics and hikes and roses. I want to finally feel like I have someone to stay for for, and not like I'm a blight on this planet, worse than all those who do atrocious things that blemish history. Yet instead I'm surrounded by those who love me in a different way, and still manage to feel broken and unwhole, still I feel like a wart on the beauty of the earth, because what cruel deity made someone as narcissistic, selfish, and cruel as myself, for even though I try to be worthy of the love others say I deserve, my heart cracks more as i manage to screw everything up, ruining life for those I care for!

What even is love? I don't and may never know; yet I crave falling In love more than the air I breath or the water I drink.

I just want to be happy and in love…. I want the feeling I've never felt…..

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Hole Filled Creature

Can Cracked pottery be beautiful?

Can jagged crystals draw the eye?

Can this broken, unknowable creature be loved?

Even as it cries, even as it rages.

all it wants is to be told everything will be fine, but that's a lie-

The world is broken and cruel, and still-

It loves

Sometimed It hates to, but it cant help but love.

It remembers those who broke it yet gives affection,

It fears being left so it becomes a door mat.

Trod upon, kicked, still it loves

It grasps loose ends and impossible things, giving it hope for love-

Giving it reasons to believe in the magic that once beguiled it.

It loves,

And breaks.

And loves.

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