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Little Did You Know
Falling to the floor, it was wet from all of the tears that ran down the face of a little girl.
The screams of who was right and wrong bled through the wall with anger.
The walls enclosed a little girl hiding under her bed.
The bed was her comfort but now had been burned by the voices.
The voices of love turned to hate with a blink of her eyes.
“You’re too thin.”
“Stand straight.”
“Be better.”
She tightened her waist to make it seem like it was not there;
like the cuts on her wrist were not there,
like the tears weren’t there,
like she wasn’t there.
But yet,
she still stood there,
so the nights that the blade came back to haunt, her she tired to run;
but
she wouldn’t run anymore,
she wouldn’t hide anymore,
she wouldn’t be better.
She wouldn’t fall.
She stood tall with the words that had hurt her clawing at her back.
She stood with the power from the lost tears on the floor.
She turned back the time that had been lost.
She built herself,
she loved herself,
she cared for herself,
she healed herself, and
she loved herself.
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My inspiration was my anorexia. When I was younger I worried about what I looked like and who I was. My parents went through a divorce so I turned to the only thing I could control: how much I ate. I starved myself. And then one day I had a doctor's appointment and I had gotten to a very unhealthy weight of 92 pounds at 5’3”. When writing this poem I wanted it to start off heavy on the top and slowly get lighter like my life got. So basically at the beginning of my life, there was a lot of background that led to this and caused this, but then as my life began to get better, it became more simplistic and easier. All you can do is take it line by line and read, because if you jump to the end you won’t see me; you will see what you want to see which is only a part of me. So now I look back at it I remember the things I tried like medication or therapy, but those were just the building blocks for what had to be done. I had to choose to want to get better, and so I began the journey.