say what you will about caffeine addiction but each time i enter a 

speedway

valero

shell 

i feel a bit better. 

the headache will soon subside and once in a while

a cashier may ask, “hey, haven’t seen you in a bit. how’ve you been?”

oftentimes when this happens i spiral 

(it doesn’t take much for me to spiral) 

and think about all the times i felt like no one would care if i was simply

gone.

of course, this isn’t true.

we often forget that the absence of something is more significant than the presence of something. 

that’s why it’s so difficult to imagine the effect being 

gone

would actually have.

nonetheless, being remembered is an odd feeling. 

it sits with you, lingers like carbonation on your tongue.

and if the thing that gets you through the day is a 

gas station clerk 

barista

classmate

teacher

coworker

parent

friend

lover

then hold onto that. 

keep it in your palm alongside the cold metal can you went in for. 

savor each sip of the here and now.

nothing pairs quite as nicely with the sweet fizz of artificial citrus as feeling 

` seen.