Beep! The sound of the microwave when your pizza rolls are done. Beep! The sound of your alarm clock when it’s time to wake up. Beep! The sound of the cash register when you’re at the grocery store. Beep! *slower* The sound of an EKG when someone is dying.

The first time Jason and I hung out we were studying for our economics class. We were both juniors in college and had known of each other since freshman year. Although, he seemed to take more notice of me than I did of him. Sadly, he didn’t have the guts to talk to me until sophomore year. That’s when I officially met him. He was tall, had green eyes, dark brown hair, and a deep voice that I could listen to forever. How could I have been so oblivious? On the other hand, he said he noticed me on our first day of calculus class freshman year. He told me that I was the prettiest girl he’d seen on campus, and he’d been working up the courage to talk to me ever since. A little strange… I know. We began spending time together studying, which wasn’t the most fun way to start a relationship, but we grew on each other, and it wasn’t long before we knew we were meant for one another.

Jason: Ughh, this class is so difficult.

Charlotte: Well, if you’d just focus, it wouldn’t really be that hard.

Jason: How am I supposed to focus when I’m this hungry?

Charlotte: Okay, fine. I think I have a bag of pizza rolls in the freezer. 

Jason: Ooh! Those are the best!

I took the pizza rolls out of the freezer and popped them into the microwave. A couple of minutes later, beep, beep, beep, beep!

*switched places, looking around*

Beep, beep, beep, beep! I was in my car. It was all coming back to me. We had a huge argument over… over… I don’t even remember what it was about. I know we argued, we yelled, and I told him I needed some space. Then I left and told him not to chase after me. The car was beeping because my seatbelt wasn’t buckled, but I didn’t care. I was furious. I just needed to go home and cool off.  Half an hour after I got home, I got a phone call.

Janet: Hello, Charlotte?

Charlotte: Yes…?

Janet: Charlotte, this is Janet, Jason’s mom. The hospital called. Jason was in a car accident. We are out of town, and it will take us a few hours to get back. We need you to go and be with him.

Charlotte: Is he okay? How bad is it? What exactly happened?

Janet: We don’t know all the details, but it sounds pretty awful, and I just can’t go through it again. I will call the hospital and let the nurses know that any information can be shared with you. How soon can you get there?

Charlotte: Umm… ten minutes.

When I arrived, the doctor was coming out of Jason’s room and explained everything, I guess. I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. I just wanted to know if he’d be okay. I just wanted him awake. I just wanted to see him, to talk to him. I just wanted HIM. 

I finally entered his room. Of course, he was unconscious. I don’t know why I thought he would instantly wake up when I walked in. His face was bruised. His hands were full of cuts from the shattered glass. He had a bandage wrapped around his head, covering most of his dark brown hair. There were tubes everywhere, breathing for him, functioning for him, living for him, being him. There were so many machines, too. One kept beeping. That was his heart. As long as it kept beeping, he was alive. He was okay. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

*switched places, looking around*

Beep, beep, beep, beep! I opened my eyes. I was in his living room on his couch. He was right there next to me. We were watching a movie: The Notebook. I know, I know, it’s cheesy, but I think it’s a good move. It had been a really long week, and we were both exhausted, but we still wanted to see each other.

Jason: It’s 2:00 A.M. I set my alarm. I knew we would fall asleep.

Charlotte: Good call. I figured we would, too.

Jason: I also knew you wouldn’t want to drive home at two in the morning without caffeine.

Charlotte: It’s only a fifteen minute drive. I’ll be fine, and I’ll text you when I get home.

Jason: Well, I set the coffee machine to be ready at 2:10, just in case.

We laid there for a bit longer and talked. We almost fell asleep again, but then the coffee was ready, so the machine started beeping. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

*switched places, looking around*

Beep, beep, beep, beep. I was back in the hospital room. He was right there in the bed.The events of the night flashed into my mind: the argument, the car accident. I remembered it all. *holding his hand* His face was so swollen; bruises were everywhere. The swelling had gone down enough in his wrist and leg to get casts put on. I knew he was still there with me because the heart monitor kept beeping. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

*switched places, looking around*

Beep, beep, beep, beep! We were at the grocery store. We wanted to spend the weekend together, so we were buying some sandwich supplies and bottled water.

Cashier: All right, your total is $16.83. Cash or card?

Charlotte: Card, please.

Jason: *to cashier* No, actually. That’ll be cash. I got it. *to Charlotte* You're crazy if you think I’m letting you pay for that. Put your wallet away.

Of course, I listened and put it away. I always found it funny that he never let me pay for anything. We walked out. He carried the bags because I was “too delicate” to be carrying grocery bags. He was the sweetest. As we walked toward the door, the cashier started ringing someone else up. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

*switched places, looking around*

Beep, beep, beep, beep. I was at the vending machine beside the deserted nurses’ station getting a coffee and stretching my legs. The printer on the desk was beeping. A nurse briskly walked around the corner, grabbed my arm, and told me to come with her. Jason’s body was failing. His organs were shutting down. She didn’t need to tell me more. I took off running and didn’t stop until I was next to his bed holding his hand. If only we hadn’t had that stupid argument. If only I didn’t leave. He wouldn’t have gone after me. He wouldn’t have run that red light. He wouldn’t have been in that accident. He would be okay. We would probably be studying together at this very second. He wouldn’t be dying!

Fifteen minutes passed. Nothing happened. Just “beep, beep, beep, beep” over and over again. Nurses rotated in and out of the room, checking his vitals. They kept telling me to be prepared. Where was the doctor? Shouldn’t he be here too?  His family was on their way.

“Jason, I’m sorry about our argument. I'm sorry I left. I’m sorry for how I acted. I’m sorry. I love you. Please get better. Please wake up. I miss you. I can’t go on without you. I need you. You can’t go. Please pull through this. I don’t care what the nurses say. You can’t be dying. You have to be okay. Please… be okay.”

All of a sudden, his breathing machine sounded like it was inhaling and exhaling longer and deeper. His heart monitor was still beeping. Beep, beep, beep, beep. But then… it happened. Beep beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

For days, I heard that final beep in the back of my head. I swayed back and forth between memories and reality. Every time I heard a beep, it reminded me of the argument. That beep reminded me that he was gone. That beep reminded me that it was my fault. That beep reminded me that he was never coming back. That beep reminded me that I would never see him again. That beep. That beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.