Like Father

She's gone, she's gone. Will I ever see her again?

Wandering blindly and endlessly, an empty and infinite void in the center of my soul.

Her smile, her silky hair, her heart, her laugh, her face, her life. 

Now only exists in my memory, to bring me back to the days she was here.

Why God? Why her? What did I do to deserve this?

My heart, shattered into a million pieces, but my expression, calm and collected.

With her absence, now a part of me is gone, a part of me that I can't replace.

My son will grow up without his mom, he needs his mom, he needs her.

My son is broken, his life in pieces, sobbing for hours on hours.

My son, tears like flowing rivers, cries like he's been amputated.

I need to stay strong, for him, for his sake, can't show weakness, no sign of vulnerability

I want to scream, I want to yell my heart out, but that is not an option, my son is the only option.

Come here, son, into my arms. Let me hold you, let me comfort you.

Don't cry, stay strong, she is in a better place now

Don't cry, I'm here, I'll always be here.

I want to cry, I can't, I want someone to hold me, no one is here to hold me.

Look at me, son. Look at me, you will be okay.

She is gone, but we are here, and we will live in her memory.

She is gone, but we will never forget her, she will always be with us.

I see her face in my son’s eyes, in his face, in his voice.

My son, his sobbing, calming down, short pouts that sputter through his lips

My son, questioning me if I even miss her, my blank expression, so confusing to him.

A mask I have put on, a mask to hide my true brokenness, to show him all will be okay

Son, everything will be okay.

Like Son

Mama, oh Mama, where have you gone? You left me, but why did you leave me?

You said that you would always be here, but now you have left.

I want you to hold my hand and hug me tight, but that will never happen again.

I want you to cook your delicious food for me. I want to lay by your side, but you're gone.

No one can take your spot, no one can give me the same love that you do.

A jagged rock in my throat that I can't swallow, cutting and ripping me into pieces.

I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be with my Mama.

And what about Papa? Did you leave him too? Why did you leave him too?

I can't stop crying, no matter what I do, the tears keep pouring.

Words barely squeeze through the welps that come out of my mouth.

But my dad, why isn't he sad, angry, hurt? He doesn't care that she is gone.

His eyes, like mirrors, reflect my face of sorrow and anger, yet no reflection of his

In his arms, I remember how it felt to be held by Mama, the warmth I felt.

Tears continue to pour, like a rusted pipe that have burst.

I lost her, but will I lose Papa now? I can't lose my mom and my dad.

I feel him trembling, like he's a volcano about to erupt, yet a calm face.

Should I do the same? Should I be like Papa? Should I stop crying?

I want to be strong like him. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel this agony.

I hope Mama is watching over us. I hope she sees me right this second. I think she does.

I ask Papa if he misses her, if he is sad she is gone, and he assures me his is.

I don't know how he does it, so calm, I want to do that too.

Wipe my tears, no more crying, deep breath, inhale, exhale.

Papa tells me everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.