I am split between who I want to be and who I have to be.

Masked I seek for the quiet, letting it swallow me whole.

Exposed I’m a chocolate fountain, letting everything flow out of me.

One eye I see the world of black and white, 

the world of doctor, lawyer, engineer

Other eye I see the world of color,

I see dancer,

I see author, 

I see artist, 

I see musician, 

I see opportunity. 

I am split between who I want to be and who I have to be.

I wonder about the future and the past. 

I hear my future pulling me in every direction, yet I feel the past pushing me back.

A paint brush colors my life, paints restrictions all around me. 

I pretend to be perfect, 

to be a good child, 

a good student, 

a good dancer,

a good person. 

I say “don’t fail” but I worry. 

I worry about my future. 

Will I ever be good enough, will I avenge myself? 

I still cry when I fail, defeat washing over me, drowning me. 

I want to break the barriers, the expectations, but will they cave in on me 

when I try to escape?

I dream about floating above all the worries in the world, 

about letting go. 

I understand that I’ll never reach the top, the expectations will just get higher. 

Even so, 

I try to live in the moment,

try to seize the day, not letting the worries of tomorrow crush me.

I hope that life will bring me its best. 

I am split between who I want to be and who I have to be.