As a young child it started to form

My mom told stories of the little girl scared to miss the ferry

We would walk along the shore collecting sea glass and sea shells

A nice visit to the island, seeing old friends

But all the little girl could focus on was the time of day

Mommy what time is it? We can’t miss the boat!

So she’d float off

The waves crashing against the rock cliffs of her brain

We’ll be stuck here all night.. SPLASH

What time is it.. SPLASH 

The boat.. SPLASH

Will we make it..SPLASH

Waves come crashing down 

Coursing through her tiny body

This little girl torn up inside

Enjoying life but crying inside

In middle school is when it really hit

The quiet girl in the back of class

Quietly asking teachers to see the nurse

Feeling sick to her stomach

Panic setting in as she waited for the answer of her mother on the phone

Constantly going home when it all became too much

Only for hours later to be perfectly right

The dreaded weight every morning

Cars approaching the onslaught of emotion 

Those brick walls would light within

A wild animal trapped behind the wrought iron bars of this pretty little cage

Striking at the bars screaming, “Let me out! Let me out!”

But no one ever seems to hear the yearning shouts ringing through my very bones

Yet the world keeps turning 

Everyone going about their days 

Not seeing the storm brewing 

The horizon darkens water starts to pour 

A raging thunderstorm as I hide beneath the covers 

Like throwing a bandage over a gunshot wound

Tears streaming down my face 

Curled in the fetal position 

Hoping to find some solace in the silence 

Between the earth shattering booms of thunder rolling through

There’s a dangerous beauty to thunderstorms

Though the thunder makes my heart leap 

And my feet carry me to some hidden corner

The lightning carrying across the sky

Makes my eyes glimmer in awe

How could something so destructive be so enchanting?

One strike could burn everything

But isn’t that the case with anything?

With all beauty comes pain 

Some more outspoken than others

The ones that hurt the most

Are the unexpected, the hidden

The out of nowhere hurricane raging through my bones

Like a viper swirling around my rib cage 

Tightening with every second passing by

My chest feels heavy 

I can’t breathe

The light keeps shrinking

My head feels fuzzy

I can’t focus

Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe!

But I can’t

The swirling whirling descent to madness

Grasping hold of my mind

Scratching the walls built so high just to keep it out

The ever frightening monster towering over me

As the walls close in

The light above no longer visible

I resign myself to the flood

And the monster shrinks

Approaching with a sense of understanding 

Bracing me against the current

Holding on for dear life

It’s not so scary at the bottom of the ocean

I open my mouth letting out a soundless scream

As the water fills my lungs

They expand filling with air once again

The air my savior I thank with all my might

The light floods my eyes

Letting the forest of flowers and songbird

Flourish once again

Yet I am no fool

This storm has passed

But that will not last

For now, I shall dance

My body a sanctuary again 

No longer a prisoner in my mind

For I have been imprisoned for far too long

These tools that help to carve this tunnel 

Leading my heart back to the surface

Will stick with me for the rest of my life

As I learn to adapt 

I forge new ways

To find the light once again