8 years old wanting to die.

Why would a child that young feel that way?

A once happy child now just miserable.

4th grade.

As far back as I can remember being sad.

The only time as a child that my behavior brought up a concern

A concern for needing therapy.

6th grade.

When a child typically starts middle school.

Suicide Prevention Day.

A slip of paper is being passed around.

Choose a box if you ever thought of killing yourself 

No
Yes

Dad at the dining room table.

Mom came home.

I remember crying when I came home.

They called her at work.

I remember her saying how it happened.

The school called her during teaching.

She said she started to break down

Wasn’t allowed to be alone anymore.

Taken everywhere.

Talked with my brother for the first time and he was nice

He gave me a hug even

My parents put me in counseling

When I did my screening for it

Mom told me no matter what 

They weren’t putting me on meds

That wasn’t a fun day

I cried a lot during that appointment

I couldn’t really hear what the guy said

I was successfully signed up for counseling though

Morgan was her name

My first therapist

I wasn’t fond of her

She made me feel like she needed a perfect score

7th grade

A new therapist

I liked her

Kristen was her name

8th grade.

Started to feel worse again

June 16th 2020

I was to kill myself that day

I broke down in counseling

I told Kristen my plan

Dad came to school

I was set up with another screen appointment

That appointment was with Mom again

They did put me on meds tho

Melontion and trazadone for sleep

Flurixten for anti-depressants

9th grade

First year of high school

Last year with Kristen

She moved on to a better job

I was feeling better kinda

I didn’t like anyone so I kept to myself a lot

I stopped writing

It hurt a lot

I stopped my meds

I just kept forgetting to take them

Vacation with family

I hate Tonya’s side along with Curtis’

They all suck.

I feel horrible about myself around Tonya’s

Curtis’ family is gross

I hate family functions

New councilor again

Brittany is her name

She is very chatty in a good way

I like her a lot too

10th grade

Talking to more people

Started working

Made new friends

Started driving

Hated it

Cried a lot

Stressed out a lot

Dropped some friends

Made some new ones

Online friends appear more

Only close to online friends

11th grade

Current times

Feeling better

I still hate life and myself, but a little less

Still hate talking about how I feel

Still hate how I look

I know there is nothing I can do though