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Dear Beauty Standards
Every morning I wake
Up to your judgemental reflection,
As I hurriedly stuff makeup in my pencil case before school,
I see your shadow when I head to my closet to pick out what to wear,
Should I dress comfy or what you deem ‘cute’?
Surely, my crush won't like me if I'm in sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt, so
I choose the short skirt and a bold red tank top instead.
When I step into the high school halls, your influence surrounds me
Mirrored in the faces of girls
Striving for your grace.
I rush to the school bathroom and start beating my face.
Twenty minutes before class starts,
Internal alarms sound.
Oat-shaded concealer, a coral-colored liquid blush,
I smooth out my lips with some butter balm,
And trace my waterline in jet black.
As my classes wear on, your hold slowly fades.
Raw skin peeks through,
Mascara smudges beneath my eyes.
I feel others running through my face,
My hair, my body.
As if they were analyzing
An essay for AP Lang, trying to extract details
I didn’t even know existed.
The hundred of eyes I imagine
Are stubborn. They won’t leave me alone.
The weekend emerges, and I remember.
I find myself dedicating an hour to appease you.
The big three—lashes, hair, and makeup.
I’ll do anything to please you:
Prep my face with glue, so the make-up sticks.
Bristle up my brows, throw on some glitter.
Alter the outline of my lips, and quick fill.
Pull the skin from my eye,
Draw a thin magnetic line.
Pinch lashes between the metal frame,
Attach fake hairs to my eyes.
And apply multiple coats of spray
In hopes of making my alternative self last forever.
I hope it makes you happy.
Day-by-day, the weeks roll by, and soon, years pass.
Years of the same routine I claim
I love.
Self-worth slipping—
I’m encumbered,
Ever-changing ideals and expectations,
Adrift in endless Sephora runs,
Aisles summon insecurities and doubts.
Dear beauty standards, you leave me
Unanswered, in the reflections
Of school bathrooms and passing mirrors.
I yearn
To see myself beyond your lens.
I wait for the morning I wake
Up to my own reflection, forgetting
I ever saw you stare back at me.
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Hi! My name is Toby Chen and I'm a Junior at Hong Kong International School, in Hong Kong.
I have always loved to write- whether that be analysis essays or a casual movie review. Lately, I've been very interested in writing Poetry because I'm fascinated by the musicality of words and how they capture nuanced topics and powerful themes.
As a teenage girl, something I struggle with is fitting in and putting forth the best version of myself. Especially at a digital age where one cannot survive without social media, I find myself constantly comparing myself to others. As I spend hours scrolling through Tiktok's and obsessing over influencer pictures that are likely edited, I start doubting every inch of me- whether it's my skin, my makeup or my body.
I wrote this piece because although I may put on a confident front, it encapsulates my inner insecurities, as well as demonstrates my immense passion for writing! I hope at least one teenage girl reads my piece and feels seen.