What is despair?

By definition, it’s a feeling of great hopelessness

But it’s more than that

It’s that feeling, so horrible, so terrible

that only the paragon of masochism

could ever hope to bare

It’s that aching, in the pit of your stomach

that hits you as you walk by, when you know

you are taking a risk far too great to enjoy the outcome

It’s the knowing, that no matter the road you choose to travel

the consequences will always find you

desperate for you to make amends

It’s the watching someone, a friend, writhing and wriggling in the sand

unable to breathe and incapable of death

and realizing that it’s all your fault

You are to blame

You are to blame for the utter shock and terror that befalls you

You are to blame for the seizing in your body, that pounding of regret

You are to blame for the uncontrollable paranoia that leads your doors to stay closed

You are to blame for the blood on your hands, that will never wash away

You

That is despair