In the sanctuary of my room, late at night,

When shadows drape the walls and silence

Spoke louder than any word could,

I felt a lightness, a fleeting grace,

Worries vanished in the haze of laughter,

Drink in hand, my girlfriend beside me,

Her presence a comfort, a shield against the night.

But in the quiet, where trust lay dormant,

Lines blurred, boundaries dissolved,

Her touch familiar and trusted,

Became a weight I could not bear,

A storm I could not weather

No words were spoken, only the language

Of unspoken trust, shattered in the stillness,

Left unaffected, or so I thought, 

Unaware of the fracture, the splinter,

Buried deep within, hidden from sight.

Days turned to weeks, to months,

Until another’s hands, another’s intent,

Revealed the truth I could not face,

Fear gripped my heart, freezing my soul, a silent scream trapped within.

I kept it hidden, wrapped in layers,

Of fear, of judgments sharp edge,

No solace though, no shoulder leaned upon, 

For who would believe a man’s silent agony, 

Who would see the pain beneath the mask?

Relationships, once a source of joy, 

Now tainted by a shadow, a fear,

That lurks in every corner, in every touch, 

No coping, no healing balm to soothe,

The wounds unseen, the scars unhealed.

Strength, resilience, mere words,

Without the weight of experience,

Moments of fortitude absent from my tale,

Apprehensive of what lies ahead, 

A future painted in shades of gray.

Triggers abound, in a world full of touch,

Each brush, each accidental graze,

A reminder of nights I’d rather forget,

A life lived in constant vigilance,

Guarded, wary, always on edge.

People’s words, a dagger’s sting,

Denial of my truth, erasure of my pain,

Their ignorance a constant burden,

A challenge greater than the wounds themselves.

No refuge found, no place of peace,

Only the lingering ache of isolation,

Less interested in love’s tender embrace,

A heart once open now closed tight,

Guarded against the possibility of harm.

In the silence, I find no comfort,

No words or phrases to capture the depth

Of my experience, no message to impart,

Just a man shaped by shadows,

Carving out existence in a world that doesn’t see.