i have this odd habit
of asking why and how

how does the world endure
why can’t i

how do i stop waking up
in a chilling sweat
at 3 am

how do i escape
the loud whispers
the silent shrieks
as i fall
flailing
drowning
trying
but failing
to
stay
afloat

why am i the moon
seldom full
always obscured in the shadow
of something bigger than me

how do i step on the brakes
how do i catch my breath

why are things never as they seem
why is everything nothing
and nothing everything

why is it all slipping away
my withered fingers grasping
at what tangibility
still exists around me
until all
that remains
in my clenched fists
is
thin
air

nothing
but
thin
air