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Warmth
We are so often
reminded of our mortality
through media, literature,
songs, and stories,
but we spend our whole lives never really thinking death can touch us.
Until he does.
We lose a pet in childhood,
and the first whisper of his breath
brushes against our necks.
We then lose a parent, or sibling, or cousin,
and his icy hands now have a grip on you
and he won’t let go.
Through these losses,
we learn to live with them.
Our bodies become accustomed
to the chill of his breath,
and the ice of his fingertips.
The blood in our veins
runs a little faster each time
his grasp tightens,
just to keep ourselves warm.
To compensate for keeping ourselves warm,
we are drained of our energy.
We put everything into
sustaining this extra bit of warmth,
as our bodies keep getting
colder
and
colder.
You watch people around you,
the lucky ones,
who have never felt
death’s freezing hands.
You watch them,
so full of warmth,
and life,
as you are slowly drain yourself,
trying to maintain that same heat.
Your heart gets stronger,
your veins get bigger,
and you feel like,
maybe,
you are warming up,
but death keeps pushing,
and he tightens his grasp.
People who have never been cold,
will tell you that you will get warmer.
That it just takes time.
They won’t know they’re wrong
until it’s too late.
You don’t ever get warmer.
You get stronger.
You learn to accept the cold.
You learn to work a little harder,
and smile at the warmth of others.
You will always yearn for warmth,
As you slowly get colder your whole life.
But that’s okay,
because one day,
when you’ve spent your whole life
with death’s freezing hands
wrapped around your neck,
you will realize
that you’ve become numb to the cold,
and you will see death as an old friend,
and he will welcome you into his arms,
and you will finally,
be warm.
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I lost my father when I was 11 years old, and obviously all of my friends didn’t know how to deal with death, and neither did I. I was a little girl who never really processed the idea that someone could just be gone forever. I knew a secret that the rest of my friends hadn’t figured out yet. But I learned it too early. I watched them continue their childhoods, while mine had been cut short, and I had to learn to become an adult as a little girl. This is kind of what this is about, realizing that people aren’t immortal, and having to watch the rest of the world continue on, while yours has been flipped upside down, and having to live with that.