Backup | Teen Ink

Backup

April 8, 2010
By Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
11 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody is normal. Everybody in the world is a weirdo freak. Except you, which makes you a weirdo freak."


I’ve never been anyone’s true, best-best friend
I’m second, a backup, left behind in the end
And then I met you three, I thought things had changed
That I wouldn’t be forever estranged
It was lovely at first; we all sat with each other
I loved each of you as a friend, as a brother
But now it’s all different, I should have foreseen
You just disregard me; I don’t know what I mean
You don’t even listen, it causes me pain
In ways that I can not express or explain
I don’t even think that I’m able to say
How my heart breaks when you push me away
Ignoring, rejecting and fleetingly kind
All I want is to state my mind
I think I can speak, but my voice is too small
I’m just a backup, after all.


The author's comments:
This is for my 3 friends.
You know who you are.

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This article has 4 comments.


on Jul. 6 2010 at 11:42 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 193 comments

This is a very interesting poem. On the one hand, the rhyme scheme feels very amateur to me. For example, the rhyming of "foreseen" and "mean" especially in the context ("You just disregard me; I don't know what I mean"). It feels very forced.

 

On the other hand, you have some real gems in this piece. Like sydney_hope said, the last two lines are perfect. It sums up the poem and the feeling, the meter works and the message and story come across. Another two lines that I liked: "You don't even listen, it causes me pain/In ways that I can not express or explain".

 

So obviously, you have the raw talent. I don't know how many poems you've written since this (I'm in the process of looking through your pieces) but it seems to me that you just need practice and an "editor". Someone who you can trust to look through your work and speak their mind about it's imperfections. For me, it's my mom and one of my friends. You have to find your own, but from my experience it really helps. 


amaranth178 said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 10:59 pm
amaranth178, Washington, District Of Columbia
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments
Being completely honest, I say that I can identify. About the poem: Poignant. Very expressive. You didn't use flowery words or phrases to convey your emotions and I felt that was appropriate for what you were trying to say. In that moment (when one feels this way), one is not typically 'classic Shakespeare'; one is usually trying to release the pain--in this case, through words. And it's hard. I hope you find true friendship

Eilatan GOLD said...
on May. 17 2010 at 7:40 pm
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
11 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody is normal. Everybody in the world is a weirdo freak. Except you, which makes you a weirdo freak."

Thank you! this is written from a real-life experience and I hope others can connect to it. Thank you so much for commenting, it means a lot : )

on May. 16 2010 at 5:31 pm
sydney_hope GOLD, Round Rock, Texas
15 articles 0 photos 55 comments
"I think I can speak, but my voice is too small
I’m just a backup, after all." was my absolute favorite line. It was short but I really loved it. :)