As I lay here and dream about the next time I will see you a smile passes across my lips...But it wont stay there long....A couple days later I get a call from your brother telling me that cancer has won the battle and that you died earlier the night before....I sat there for hours looking at the ground wishing that this had all been a VERY bad dream and then days go by and I learn that its reality......I wished it was me and not you...I would have done anything for you to still be here....I sit here day in and day out thinking about things I could have done diefferently....I fell farther and farther into the deep dark hell....The poison that has passed through my veins making me unable to feel anything other than sadness and numbness....It hurts and yet at the same time I dont really feel anything....And for that is why I cannot forgive myself....I shall remain unforgiven...For I wasn't all the way there for you when you needed it the most...I wasn't by your side telling you how much I loved you and how much I needed you...How important you were to me...I dont know what to say now that you are gone...All I know is that I will never get to hear your voice again....Never see your smiling face....Never feel your touch....And it kills me inside to know that I will never have you again.....