I’m becoming an addict,
Unable to quit.
I’m flying high
Though in this chair I sit.

I no longer pay attention
To what everyone else calls reality;
I left that behind
With my care for morality.

I’m soaring,
Miles above the perfection
That has always been out of my reach
That will never look back from my reflection.

So much time,
Spent wishing and hoping
That things would go right,
Always resulting with me alone, coping.

Or nothing happening,
Nothing at all.
I always assumed the worst
So I’d have less distance to fall.

I want full control of my destiny,
But that’s not one of the choices
On this fat test called life,
With no cheated answers in whispered voices.

So I’m creating my own test,
Where the answer choices are empty spaces –
For me to fill with what I want,
I pick the words, situations and faces.

I’m sailing high,
The denial - my wings
Where none of reality’s pain can reach me
And pull me down to where it stings.

In my world,
We’re together,
Happy and perfect,
All warm summery weather.

You never stopped replying to my texts
Never drifted away,
After that perfect night together
You never moved on and caused my happiness to decay.

In the sky,
I can pretend
My family is as perfect as it looks,
And we get along to no end.

There are never those nights
With screaming fights with words like knives,
Not elephants in every room,
No secrets and lies.

Up high, out of everyone’s view,
Where no one can comment with brutality -
I don’t constantly have to force myself to smile,
It comes naturally with this irreality.

I was never smiling only for show,
Because everyone expected me to be peppy and fun.
I never felt depressed or angry,
Never had thoughts of clutching a gun.

The sky starts to cry,
Forcing me down, back to reality
My blue sky is now black,
Ending this hallucination with finality.

The Drug:
Denial;
The Junkie:
Yours truly.