Josh
Pulling strings, to have friends

I walk home from the grocery store with
a bag full of butter, eggs, milk,
all the essentials that mom needs
for the party she’s hosting.
As the sun sinks down and
it gets darker I try to squeeze through
alleys and take short

cuts to get home.
The crisp fall air is just
cold enough to chill me
under my grey hoodie
and I can just barely see my
breath in the air in front of me.







I turn left to
walk down the narrow
deserted street a block
or so away from my house,
From a distance I see groups
of people huddled up near an
old school building and
I wonder, for a
brief moment,
what they’re up to.
Knowing these groceries
won’t deliver themselves
I walk on, trying to keep myself from the distraction.
As I get closer to the groups I can see that they are
mostly guys, maybe a
girl here or there but I still can’t figure out what they
are all huddled around.


Curiosity, (of course)
Gets the best of me
And I walk over to see what must be so...
“fascinating” to them.
That’s when I smell it..
The smoke.

















The boys all glance at me giving me a death glare,
I’ve seen this too many times before
From everyone, what no one knows is that
I just want to fit in
And to fit in with this crowd
I know what I have to do
So I walk closer
And say “Hey dudes, how’s the butt?”
And that when their eyes hint at recognition
Because they know how it feels,
To want
To need to be inside the group
To have to have something
To make you feel better
And I know that anything is better than









This feeling.





“You want some?”
he says holding out the cigarette towards me.

I’ve never had many friends,
to tell the truth
barley any, and
this could be a start for me.

















I know how bad smoking is for you,
I know from my mom’s rants
and
raves
that it could kill you,
fast
or
you could be
S
P
I
R
A
L
I
N
G
into a slow path to your death;
that is
IF
You get hooked



Without



(or trying not to)
really over think it
I accept the invitation,
take the cigarette


(and the risk),
let the kid



(possibly a new friend)
light it for me
and

I join the groups
of guys lighting their
own cigarette butts.